Story: I never intended to be a SideChick


    One

    When I met Steve, I had no intentions of being in a serious relationship with him. I had just gotten out of a long-term relationship that meant the world to me. The break-up left me feeling totally lonely and unwanted. However, besides everything else, my focus was school. Coming from a rich family, I was provided with all the groceries I needed. So my involvement with Steve, was all about fun. I got great conversations and spending time with him was just awesome! Even when he told me he was married, it didn't affect me one bit. My intention was not to break his home or be a side chick. I felt there were no responsibilities involved nor was I going to be tied down to anything.. (was free to mingle so I thought).
    On my 22nd birthday, Steve promised to take me out for dinner. I was really excited and being a Friday made it even more perfect! Around 15 hrs while my roommate was trying to help me choose what attire to wear, we heard a knock at the door. I wondered why Steve had decided to come early. Actually, that wasn't the time I was expecting him. We had earlier agreed that he picks me up at 19:00hrs.
    My roommate Charity, opened the door and in came a woman with a baby on her back. She introduced herself as Kathy and Then I realised, she was the wife to Steve. I even prepared myself for a fight! But things turned out different, after the greetings and introductions, she humbly asked who between the two of us was Agatha and without hesitating, I got closer to her and told her I was the one. Immediately I answered she knelt before me and pleaded that I leave her husband ''Steve''alone. I was really puzzled by her actions because most side chicks are beaten by the wives during confrontations.She said she had come in peace as a mature woman. And as an orphan she had been through so much in life, just to give up on her husband,who meant the world to her was not in her plans.''I told her to get up and go, but she refused and that she wasn't done explaining how they have struggled as a couple to get where they were. Charity offered her a chair, but she said she preferred kneeling.
    She narrated how they met in college and how she sacrificed her monies for him to upgrade his education when they were both done with studies. She further went on to say how she went to Luangwa to buy fish when she was on holiday as a teacher, just to help out better her husband's life. I failed to keep up with what she was saying as my focus was on wearing makeup. I almost got distracted when she said it was her birthday, but her husband called to tell her that he was sorry and couldn't take her out as he earlier promised.. ''Oh my God'', I said in my heart, I share a birthday with Kathy? I felt sorry for her, but I didn't want any distractions as I needed to enjoy that moment. I brushed aside what she was saying and carried on with what I was doing. I started dressing and there she was, with her knees still on the floor. I could sense Charity felt so sorry for her as she had always been against me dating a married man. Charity told her to get up and sit on the chair at least and she agreed.I got irritated and told Kathy that, she was talking to the wrong person. She needed to talk to her husband about it, not me. She answered and said, ''sometimes men can go astray'' that is why she came to talk to me as a fellow woman.
    Tears were dropping while she looked at me as I beautified myself. She pleaded with Charity to talk to me on her behalf of which Charity agreed. It was a two hour battle so I was relieved when she finally told us she was leaving.Before she could get up Steve came in like a thief. Story continues!!

    Two

    He was so surprised to see the wife with me. Without even hearing her out he slapped her and she almost fell with her baby: I honestly felt bad and had to scream at Steve to stop because Kathy was a calm woman and had come in peace.

    Kathy wept uncontrollably attracting my neighbours, but we managed to handle the situation appropriately. Steve was surprised because that was when he found out that the wife already knew about our affair. But not for once, did she ask him about it. Initially, I expected Steve would go home with his wife, but alas, I was wrong. He instead turned to me and whispered that, it was time we left!
    The wife told me I was also a woman and one day I would go through worse situations than hers. She literally cursed her husband and I, that it shall never ever be well with us. We left her being consoled the Charity. Steve and I booked somewhere for two good nights. It was really amazing despite knowing what I was doing was not right.

    When the weekend was over, Charity had a serious talk with me to let Steve be. I agreed and could not contact Steve nor picked up his calls, for about a month. But deep down my heart I was troubled, my feelings got attached to an extent where I couldn't believe myself. I later on ended up calling him, I missed him like crazy and so did he. We were now in full swing, I didn't mind about who was seeing or met me with Steve.I still chose to go along with the situation because my happiness was what mattered the most.. I started getting jealous whenever he mentioned the wife's name. Eventually I wanted top spot. At that time I didn't even realise I meant harm.

    Some months later, things started falling apart. I fail a course and was asked to rewrite before I could continue to the next level. I was often sick and only to discover I was also pregnant. I only had myself to blame. When I told Steve about the pregnancy, he sounded really excited and told me he would marry me .I was so excited upon hearing that! When I asked about Kathy, all he said was'' Old is Gold'' he intended to make me his second wife. At that moment I realised that indeed, it's rare that the side chick wins. I cried myself to sleep that night ..
    Steve asked me to move to the servants' quarters and I gladly accepted.. I don't know what was going through  my head. I thought moving closer  to Kathy would drive her crazy and  most likely divorce Steve. But unfortunately, she made it clear that she would not go anywhere, Steve was her God given husband !

    Kathy couldn't agree that I move to the servants' quarters so Steve found a two bedroomed house which I shared with my little cousin, Grace. Now that I had Steve, all the Gold stopped glittering. In fact, I was just his mistress and he didn't even marry me as his second wife. It was boring staying at home and somehow I missed school. However, despite it being my final year, I couldn't continue attending classes. I was ashamed to be seen around the campus with a married man's baby bump!!!!

    When I was six months pregnant, Steve lost his job and his wife took care of him. This meant he could no longer pay for my rentals. So the only option was to go back to my parents house. I knew they would definitely welcome me though I disappointed them big time. When I moved to my parents house, Steve rarely came to see me.Our communication lessened and whenever we met, all he talked about was how grateful he was for having such an understanding and a good wife like Kathy! That really hurt, men can change I thought to myself. But, truth be told, I was the other woman, not her. I had no right to get jealous, and that was frustrating !
    Story Continues....

    Three

    The reality of being a side chick, now struck me. I couldn't believe it was happening to me and this led to depression. My baby boy was born prematurely, in the eighth month. But unfortunately, he died two weeks later. Despite the turn of events, all I wanted was Steve by my side, I felt I was part of him.
    Three months after I lost the baby, My parents sat me down and advised that I go back to school. They told me to forget about Steve as it was evident he was happily married and would never leave his wife for me! Deep down my heart, I knew they were right. If he was going to leave Kathy for me, he would have already done that. But I was in denial and continued living in dream land! I told dad, I needed some more time to heal and rethink through everything.
    In the evenings, I called Steve and told him we needed to talk. An hour later he came. I told him that I loved him and wanted to get married to him even as a second wife. Steve point blank, told me he wasn't a polygamist and he couldn't deal with the dramas that comes along with it.'' Agatha I am so sorry, you are still young and beautiful, another man will come to you. Go back to school and finish your education, you are really brilliant don't waste this chance''. Said Steve.
    Despite Steve giving me a cold shoulder, I kept calling and sending him messages. Charity thought I was stooping so low and that the world didn't only revolve around Steve.'' Love is strong. It is really hard to fall out, when you love someone wholeheartedly''. Was my response!
    However, Steve brutally put an end to our relationship. He sent a message stating that we were done and he didn't want anything to do with me ever again! From that day forward, I never ever contacted him and vice versa. He was back in employment and things seemed well for him.
    When I finally went back to school, I had a tough time making new friends. Charity had completed by then. I Kept to myself and vowed, never to be in a relationship while at school, especially with a married man. I heed my parents advice and I managed to graduate with very good grades.
    Fast-forward, two years later I met John and we got married. After I had my baby, I asked my cousin Leah, to come and live with us. Little did I know I was inviting problems in my home. She and John started having an affair which resulted in pregnancy. I was devastated, I even remembered Kathy's words'' that I was also a woman and one day I would go through worse situations than hers.''. And indeed it came to pass! Those three first years in my marriage were hectic. But, I didn't leave my husband. Divorce was not on my agenda, I wasn't ready to be alone or start all over again, hence I vowed to stick by him. When Leah gave birth, the baby turned out to be for her boyfriend. She was at that time dating a cheap white boy from South Africa. Had the baby not been mixed, I wouldn't really have been convinced that it wasn't my husband's !
    Actually, she was already three months pregnant when she started sleeping with John. Somehow it was a relief to me as nothing was going to tie them together. After Leah left, my husband's infidelity even became worse. He changed women like underwear. I even remembered the way I gave Kathy a hard time until God fought the battle for her. My heart was heavy. At church the following Sunday, I had to talk to the pastor's wife about the problems I was going through in my marriage. I told her about my past life too.
    With the help of the pastor and his wife, arrangements to go and talk to Kathy were made. Luckily, she honoured our visit. When we entered her house, I knelt before her just like she did years back. In tears, I asked for her forgiveness and to bury the past by not holding any grudges against me. I told her, I could not succeed tearing them apart and I was sorry for the heartaches I caused her. I knew how it felt to be married to a man, who not only slept with anybody but also with my relatives!
    Final part next !!!

    Four (Final)

    Kathy told me she had forgotten all about it and from the bottom of her heart, she wished me happiness in my marriage. With those comforting words from Kathy, we left. Upon reaching home, I found my husband drunk and lying down on one of the sofas. Immediately he saw me, he got up and started hitting me until I had to run to my neighbour. After a few hours I went back home and found him fast asleep.
    The following day, John asked why I had a black eye and I told him he caused it. He was surprised and said he couldn't remember anything about the previous night at all.
    Being beaten, hit me harder than anything else. Enough was enough. I emotionally drifted away from John and contemplated leaving him. I made it clear I was done forgiving. John apologized and said that, inasmuch as, he had his flaws, beating a woman was cruel. He was scared and ashamed of what he had done, but promised, he would never hit me again. And that stood!
    Gradually, I started noticing some changes. My husband completely stopped drinking, keeping late nights and chasing women. I was glad about that positive development. It was indeed a big achievement for me!
    However, I am not proud of how I treated my fellow woman. My experiences as a side chick, has so far been the most disgusting part of my life. If I had the power to erase it, I would gladly do so. ''What goes around, comes around,'' and that definitely applied to my situation. I strongly feel, I paid for my mistakes.
    To the women that have been cheated on, the decision to leave or stay is personal. First of all, once you decide on staying or leaving do it! Do not stay in between! No one should tell you what to do in this situation. Because it isn't easy to just walk away or split up the family. Remember, the decision you make at that time, will affect your future either positively or negatively! If your partner or spouse apologizes, acknowledges his mistake and the pain it has caused, make efforts of trying to save the relationship and completely cuts all ties with the other parties..would be good to give them a chance. When love comes into equation, ‘a second chance’ no doubt will present itself to the cheating partner. But, however,it would also be hard to forgive someone who falls in the 'not feeling remorseful' category! Whatever you do, don’t stay if you can’t handle it, but don’t leave regretting it every moment.
    Obviously, some readers out there, might not agree with my decision of staying with my husband despite him cheating on me with my cousin. From the beginning I thought about it critically, I weighed the pros and cons carefully. I accepted that the cheating had happened. It wasn't an easy thing though! Yes, he was a womaniser but generally he is a nice person. I am glad I made the decision to stay, all by myself. However, when I tried to share with family and friends about my situation, they advised that I leave. But on the contrary, my heart did not agree. That wasn't what I wanted to hear. I was basically opening up for comfort because I felt lost and vulnerable. I was young and even if I had chosen to leave, I would have started looking for another man, to accept me and my child. The other thing was, I made mistakes in my life too, and people forgave me!
    This year 2018, John and I have clocked ten years of marriage, with four beautiful kids. I wouldn't claim our marriage is now perfect, but it's pretty good so far and I can't complain !
    Lastly, I would like to urge women to think twice before accepting to date a married man. The consequences are grief! Don't date a married man as a blesser, for fun like in my case or because maybe you are trying to get over a lost love. That will only bring more pain to your life. Remember: there are feelings involved, stress, time wasting, meeting where you won't be seen or caught, just so many unpleasant things. Being single is not a curse because it's a phase of passing through in life, after all no one was born married. Let's learn to nurture, love and value ourselves and most importantly, not mess with other peoples husbands.
    If you are a lady looking for love, you won't find it with a man who is taken. Meet a man who is free and is ready to love you for you, and the happiness will come right along with it. Men also should respect their marriage vows or partners if they are in serious relationships. Regardless of these side chick stories, good men who only have eyes for their partners still exist!
    Matthew 19:6 ''What God has joined together, let no man put asunder''
    I shared my experiences so that someone out there could learn a thing or two.
    Pleasant day everybody and thanks for taking time to read my experiences!
    …..The End…..

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