Story: My Wife

MY WIFE” written by Rossy Amarachi Uju.

    EPISODE 1

    Nkechi: is anyone home! Dede! Dede!

    Funmi: coming! Who is It?(opens the door)
    Lord! Kechi, is everything Okay??

    Nkechi: everything is okay. Why?

    Funmi: we weren’t expecting you…

    Nkechi: Oh! Sorry I forgot I need to send you a special notice before I visit my brother’s house . Can I go in please!

    Funmi: I didn’t mean it that way. Just thought it would have been nice to let us know you were on your way. You nearly missed me.

    Nkechi: that wouldn’t be a problem because I haven’t come to see you. Where’s is my brother ?

    Funmi: please come in. He’s gone to work and I was just about leaving when I heard the knock on the door

    Nkechi: so why is his car here? Did he buy a new car.

    Funmi: erm, actually, on Mondays, he lets me use the car. So he went by public transport.

    Nkechi: interesting! He leaves the car for you…I see.

    Funmi: erm, sorry Kechi but I need to leave now because I’m running late already. I didn’t know you were coming I would have made you something. Have this one thousand naira; you can use it to get a plate of rice from the woman who cooks down the road.
    When I come back, I’ll cook

    Nkechi: so there is no food in the house. What did my brother eat before going to work?

    Funmi: Kechi, your brother has never been a breakfast person.

    Nkechi: says who!

    Funmi: well, for as long as I have known him

    Nkechi: it is better to shut up than say what you are unsure of. The brother that I grew up with not a breakfast person? You must know your husband so well, don’t You!
    Please drop the money on the table there and leave.

    Funmi: what’s with the attitude, Kechi?

    Nkechi: Oh tell me more about attitude! You left me out there screaming like a mad woman for over an hour, banging on the gate and you are here talking about attitude??? Really!

    Funmi: there’s no way you would have knocked for that long. I was getting dressed! You don’t expect me to come get the door half naked. For all I care, it could have been anyone since you never told us you were coming!

    Nkechi: enough please! I thought you said you were running late! Please leave and shut the door behind you…. To be continued....

    EPISODE 2

    CALISTA: it must be difficult for you being married in an Ibo family when you are Yoruba..

    FUNMI: not really. Well, since I got married I haven’t actually had any problems with my in-laws. Not sure if it’s too early to say they are nice.

    Calista: way too early. You’ve only been married for 4 months isn’t it?

    Funmi: four days shy of four months

    Calista: your marriage is still an embryo

    Funmi: hehehehe! Excuse me, Cals I need to ring my husband now. He should be on break.

    Calista: alright, hun

    Funmi: (??????)

    EBUKA: hello, sweetheart , you’re alright?

    FUNMI: not really; I miss you?

    EBUKA: I know you love this handsome Igbo prince. So how much do you miss him?

    FUNMI: don’t you start feeling on top of the nation. Hahahaha! How has your day been so far?

    EBUKA: well, busy as always. I’ve just rounded up a board meeting about 30 minutes ago. By the way! All the guys in the office love my shirt and want to know where I got it from, and I told them wifey got it for me. The single ones all want to get married now. Hahahaha!
    Thanks, my beautiful!

    FUNMI: that is what you get when you marry a Yoruba queen?

    EBUKA: Hey! Don’t go there! Have you had something to eat yet?

    FUNMI: no, we just went on break and I decided to ring you first before going out for lunch with Calista. So what would you like for supper? I finish at 4pm today so I’ll head straight to the market.

    EBUKA: can we have amala today, please?

    FUNMI: Oh! I forgot to mention! Kechi came this morning so I wouldn’t know if she would like it

    EBUKA: Nkechi came? When? Is everything okay? How’s my mum??

    FUNMI: she turned up while I was about leaving. She said everyone was okay

    EBUKA: nah! This habit of showing up in my house when she likes has to stop. What does it take to send me a message that she is coming over! Anyway, I’ll have some serious conversation with her when I get home.
    My family do not like Yoruba food at all, so Consider cooking rice or anything else then.

    FUNMI: alright. Make sure you eat something as well.

    EBUKA: I will, baby. I’ll love you and leave you now. Let me know when you are leaving and drive carefully.

    FUNMI: I will. Love you.

    EBUKA: love you too, baby. Bye!
    ????????????????

    NKECHI: dede! You came back early!

    EBUKA: it’s 5pm that’s my normal closing time. Why didn’t you tell me you were coming or Funmi?

    NKECHI: I had no credit.

    EBUKA: you were online on whatsapp this morning so don’t tell me you had no credit. Besides, I paid in three hundred thousand naira in your account on the 29th of March. So?

    NKECHI: ?? but I can come to your house when I want!

    EBUKA: Nkechi, I hope you haven’t been too spoilt that you no longer have manners. Common sense should tell you that I am married now and some things may change! How is mama?

    NKECHI: I don’t know!

    EBUKA: meaning???

    NKECHI: I came straight from Portharcourt!

    EBUKA: how was your exams?

    NKECHI: don’t ask me!?

    EBUKA: I haven’t got your time. I’m tired and hungry. Sweetheart! Sweetheart I’m home!

    FUNMI: (from the kitchen) registered! Welcome, darling. Go have your shower and food will be ready before you are out

    EBUKA: not even a hug. She just asked me to go and shower as if I stink. Where is the Love baby, where is the Love???

    FUNMI: Oh no! Baby. I’m all sweaty and greasy. giving you a hug would ruin your clothes

    EBUKA: not sure banking was the right profession for you. You should have studied law

    FUNMI: hahahahahaha!!!????

    NKECHI: (mumbles) always loud and lousy! Mtcheeeew!

    FUNMI: Kechi! Kechi! Kechi!

    EBUKA: Nkechi!!! Can’t you hear Funmi!!!

    NKECHI: I can hear her but she isn’t calling my name because my name is not Kechi. My name is Nkechi!

    FUNMI: what’s the difference!

    NKECHI: the difference is that Nkechi means God’s own while Kechi has no meaning! If you are going to marry an Igbo man, your first assignment should have been to learn the Igbo language and not to learn how !

    FUNMI: hehehehe! Nkechi, I am only 4 months in marriage. I’ll learn your language if you give me some time, madam!?

    NKECHI: whatever!

    EBUKA: watch it!!! Gini na eme gi!!!(what’s wrong with you)

    NKECHI: dede hapum aka biko! (Brother, Leave me alone, please!)

    FUNMI: anyways, I was calling to let you know that food is ready. You can serve yourself when you are ready to eat

    NKECHI: Heard!

    EPISODE 3

    NKECHI: good evening, brother. How was work?

    EBUKA: work wasn’t too bad. Where have you been?

    NKECHI: I’ve been upstairs

    FUNMI: good evening, Inkechi

    NKECHI: hia!!! Oh! Please Funmi my name is not Inkechi! Seriously, what’s so difficult about my name! I pronounce your name perfectly why can’t you do same! I am beginning to think you do it on purpose just to wind me up! Stop it please! Call me Jessica!

    EBUKA: all these rants for pronouncing your name a little different from what is it? Come on, Nkechinyere! Drop this bitterness and bickering over nothing!

    NKECHI: to you it’s nothing! To me it’s everything! Dede, i want to have a word with you…

    EBUKA: okay, but first, what have you had to eat today?

    NKECHI: I cooked chicken stew in a little pot.

    EBUKA: why didn’t you eat the okro soup Funmi made? It’s very delicious

    NKECHI: hmmm! Nke ahu juru na mmanu na ose! (You mean the one that’s full of oil and pepper!)

    EBUKA: Nkechi, kedu ihe nwata nwanyi a mere gi biko? (Nkechi, what has this lady done to you please!)

    NKECHI: can I talk to you now, please?

    EBUKA: sure! I’m all ears

    NKECHI: i want to discuss a private family matter with you so if your wife can excuse us, that will be great!

    EBUKA: Funmi by virtue of our marriage has become my family so you have no right to exclude her in any family discussion you wish to have with me.

    FUNMI: sweetheart, I’ll be upstairs (goes into their bedroom upstairs ?‍)

    EBUKA: Funmi! Come back here! I’m sure you are enjoying the TV programme you were watching! Nkechi what’s the meaning of this!

    FUNMI: no, don’t worry sweets, I’ll continue with the TV in the bedroom. Good night, Jessica

    NKECHI: good night o!

    EBUKA: be fast about whatever you have to say. I need to join my wife upstairs!

    NKECHI:ooooo! Wife! Anyways, I want to go on holiday. Not alone o! It’s a group holiday and all my friend have bought their tickets except me. That’s why I came. I need money

    EBUKA: where are you going?

    NKECHI: Dubai

    EBUKA: I do not have the money.

    NKECHI: why?

    EBUKA: simply because I… D–O N-O-T have it!

    NKECHI: why must I continue to look like the poorest of all my friends when I have a brother who is very rich and who is supposed to be responsible for my financial needs!!!!
    Claire has booked her ticket and so has Sophia!

    EBUKA: it’s not my fault that you chose to be friends with the high and mighty! Claire’s father is a Minister and Sophia’s brother is a drug dealer. I work my backside off to earn every single penny that drops into my account!
    Last year you went on a holiday in China and I paid for it. This year, I am not in a position to do so! Simple!

    NKECHI: so what are you doing with your money then!

    EBUKA: if you must know, Funmi recently started her part time MSC programme and I’ve just paid her fees, so i am low on funds. I cannot do it, baby girl!

    NKECHI: if she wanted to be a masters degree holder, why didn’t her parents see to it. They waited for an Igbo saviour and all of a sudden she wants to do MSC!
    Since you married this woman it’s now all about her and no one else! You’ve forgotten everything daddy told you before he died and now you are treating me this way! (Starts crying????)

    EBUKA: Oh come off the cheap blackmail! Come off it! You are in the best university in the country, who pays for it? Ebuka! You have sworn never to wear any garment below ten thousand naira at 23 years of age. Who pays for them? Ebuka!
    Nkechi, you own a car, you live in the most expensive area, I’ve bought you shares, not to talk of the monthly allowance I give you. What else do you want me to do!
    Funmi is my wife and therefore my responsibility too!
    If I invest in her, I am investing in the future of our children, so technically, it is to my advantage!
    Give me a break!

    NKECHI: Is that what you have to say eh! I’ll tell brother Chinwendu!

    EBUKA: it doesn’t bother me. If you like, tell the whole world.

    NKECHI: (runs off to her room and started ringing Chinwendu, the eldest of them all?????)

    CHINWENDU: Nkechi, are you okay?

    NKECHI: No, I’m not!!????

    CHINWENDU: Jesus! Where are you? What happened? Why are you crying? Talk to me. Where exactly are you so I can drive down???

    NKECHI: I am in his stupid house!

    CHINWENDU: In whose stupid house!!

    NKECHI: brother Ebuka!

    CHINWENDU: so what’s going on? Is Ebuka okay?

    NKECHI: he said he will never give me any money again that he is married now. I am suffering in uni and it doesn’t bother him. He said my suffering is yet to start??

    CHINWENDU: Ebuka uttered those words!ara na ayi ya!(he is mad) I will break him! Afterall i made him! Ebuka is beginning to bite way more than he can chew with his Yoruba wife!
    I’ll give him a call in the morning. He must give you the money you need.
    Wipe your tears nnem, alright? Chy Chy?

    NKECHI: eh?

    CHINWENDU: I’ll handle him. I promise you. Stop crying inugo?

    EPISODE 4

    EBUKA: babe, I’ll come back a little late tomorrow. There’s a contract I want our company to enter into. I’m not very sure about what the law is on that; so I’ll go see my solicitor about it after work tomorrow

    FUNMI: what contract is that?

    EBUKA: I want the company to purchase…sorry, my brother is calling. Hold on (picks up his phone???) hello dede, good evening

    CHINWENDU: Ebuka o gini n’eme gi n’isi! (What’s wrong with your head!)

    EBUKA: I don’t understand. What do you mean?

    CHINWENDU: have you forgotten so soon? If you have, then let me remind you! Nkechinyere is your responsibility! You willingly chose to look after her until she becomes independent! Let me also remind you that you were given Papa’s Abuja property on the condition that you provide Nkechi with whatever she needs!

    EBUKA: have I defaulted on that?

    CHINWENDU: Why have you refused to fund her holiday???

    EBUKA: dede, must Nkechi go on a holiday every year?

    CHINWENDU: her choice! Travelling is part of education. I love the fact that she likes travelling. Why are you kicking against it!! When you were in university, did you lack anything? I’m asking you, Ebuka, did you! You opened your silly mouth to tell her that her suffering is yet to begin!
    Have you forgotten she is dad’s favourite? That pattern must continue! Nkechi will remain the family’s favourite and must be treated thus!

    EBUKA: Nkechi lies! I never said that. I just told her that I am unable to fund her holiday because I’m presently low on funds!

    CHINWENDU: because you have invested the money in sending your Yoruba wife back to uni! I am not interested in what you do in your multi-tribal home, as long as you don’t spend my father’s money in it!
    His final wish was that Nkechi is properly looked after. I will not sit back and watch you disregard that wish.
    Remember, the legal documents to that property has clauses specifying the conditions attached to your ownership of them. Don’t bring out the beast in me, dude. Don’t! Wear your big boy pants and behave!

    EBUKA: my only crime is that I married outside our tribe against your wishes right? Hehehe! Anyway! I’ll give her the money over the weekend

    CHINWENDU: good night

    EBUKA: Funmi is saying hi to you.

    CHINWENDU: give her my regards. Good night
    ????????????????

    FUNMI: is everything okay?

    EBUKA: yeah yeah… he is just doing Nkechi’s bidding as ever.

    FUNMI: darling, please if you have the money, give it to her. Let peace reign; family feud is something I dread.

    EBUKA: don’t let that bother you. I’ll give her the money over the weekend. Funmi?

    FUNMI: yes

    EBUKA: thank you for your understanding and the level of maturity you display daily here. I don’t know many women who would endure the things you endure daily from Nkechi. My family will soon warm up to you, Alright? Oh come on! Don’t cry.
    I married you, right?

    FUNMI: ? yes

    EBUKA: I’ll protect you at all cost. Obviously, I would like to have a good relationship with my family but where that threatens my relationship with you, i would have to cut ties with my family.

    FUNMI: that would be my worst nightmare

    (Knock knock! Knock knock!

    EBUKA: who is it!

    NKECHI: me! Can I come in?

    EBUKA: come in.

    NKECHI: hi everybody?‍

    FUNMI: hi Jessica.

    NKECHI: dede, can you please take me to the high street to get call card. I need to make an important call tonight, biko

    EBUKA: Nkechinyere, I am very tired! Why are you always a pest!

    NKECHI: Because I am your baby sister??‍

    EBUKA: phew! Sweetie, let me take her to the high street. I won’t be long. Do you need anything?

    FUNMI: No, I’m fine. Drive carefully

    EBUKA: I will do.

    (Nkechi and her brother got into the car and as they drove down, Ebuka did not say a word to her, so she decided to break the silence)

    NKECHI: ehn! Dede, something happened today!

    EBUKA: what happened?

    NKECHI: I don’t mean to be rude o! But do you think your wife can pass this MSC she started?

    EBUKA: meaning?

    NKECHI: I saw her reading a novel this afternoon, so i asked her where she got it. Guess what she told me?

    EBUKA: I’m listening..

    NKECHI: she told me she got it from Hamazon. Do you know, it took me a while to actually realise she meant Amazon?????. Oh my God, I couldn’t stop laughing!

    EBUKA: you can never be as intelligent as Funmi. You don’t judge people’s intelligence by their accent and pronunciations. The earlier you change this dumb and uncivilised attitude of yours, the better for you!

    (They got home and Nkechi went to her room and started ringing her friend, Amarachi)

    AMARACHI:(???) finally someone remembered to ring me!

    NKECHI: I didn’t forget you o!

    AMARACHI: so what’s up? any news

    NKECHI: nothing serious yet, but I’m very positive

    AMARACHI: are you sure this will work? I’m asking so that I know exactly what to do

    NKECHI: I gave you my word. He is my brother and everyone in the family listens to me.

    AMARACHI: but does your mum like the girl?

    NKECHI: ermmm, not really but she doesn’t really bother about her. They don’t talk anyway because she can’t speak Igbo and my mum don’t speak English.
    I don’t just understand how you would marry someone that cannot have a conversation with your mother. It’s just insane. But trust me, we can do this.
    I have a plan but I’ll tell you tomorrow..

    EPISODE 5

    MADAM BOLA: Tosin! Tosin!! Oluwatosin!!!!

    TOSIN: ma!!!

    MADAM BOLA: come here!

    TOSIN: go spread these clothes for me.

    MADAM BOLA: auntie Adaku washed, so there’s no space to spread them.

    MADAM BOLA: Ko gbogbo won Sile! Ode omo Igbo yi. A ji laaro a sa gbogbo aso e ki Awon eniyan ma ba raye! Mi o mo idi ti won o fi duro si ile won. Awon Yoruba lo ni ilu eko (Put them all on the floor! Stupid Igbo girl. She wakes up early to spread her clothes so that there will be no space for anyone else!
    I don’t know why they can’t stay in their land. Lagos is Yoruba land!)

    TOSIN: but ma…

    MADAM BOLA: I said put them on the floor! Are you mad!!!

    (Tosin did as her madam said. At 6 o’clock, Adaku who is madam Bola’s tenant was coming back from work when she saw all her clothes on the floor. Unsure of what happened, she decided to ask her landlady)

    ADAKU: good evening, ma. How was your day?

    MADAM BOLA: eh! Good evening

    ADAKU: I just wanted to ask if you know who put all my washing on the floor. I just saw them all on the floor and some have been stepped on by kids…

    MADAM BOLA: what do you expect eh? You think you can use your Igbo sense to say what happens in this yard? This yard belongs to my husband and I. Lagos state belongs to us Yorubas not you, omo Ibo!
    You wake up early to wash and spread your clothes so that no one else will wash in this yard! I did it and I am not sorry about it!

    ADAKU: really madam??? Did you have to put them on the floor? I left my laundry basket on the side just in case someone wanted to use the space. All you could have done is put my clothes in there, instead of leaving them all on the floor.

    MADAM BOLA: heeee! Omo Ibo!???no single respect! So you expect me, a mother to put away your laundry abi??? Hian!!!! You have some guts, don’t you! Do you know who I am?? Do you know I have a girl your age? If Funmi were to be here right now, I would have asked her to teach you some life lessons!
    She is your age mate but she is married. Why are you not married, ashawo!

    ADAKU: is this about me being Igbo, or have I done anything else to you?

    MADAM BOLA: don’t question me! Go to your state and question your mother. Nonsense! Every morning you go out and come back at night. Nobody knows what exactly you do. My daughter is a graduate and she has started her masters in her husband’s house! You are here dragging Laundry space with me. Oloshi!
    Get out of my face joor!
    ************************************************

    NKECHI: dede, my flatmate is travelling to London from here. I was just wondering if she could spend 2 nights here since she is travelling through Abuja airport.

    EBUKA: when is her flight?

    NKECHI: Sunday night.

    EBUKA: speak to Funmi about that. Whatever she says stands. I’m off to work ?

    NKECHI: chai! See how much authority bestowed on this fat Yoruba girl! Odiegwu o! (Goes upstairs where Funmi was getting ready for uni)
    Good morning, Funmi

    FUNMI: morning, Kechi.

    NKECHI: Jessica is the name. Thanks.

    FUNMI: sorry.

    NKECHI: no worries. Anyways, I want to get Your royal ascent so that my friend who is travelling to London can spend two days with us . She is travelling through Abuja airport ?

    FUNMI: no problems, she can come.

    NKECHI: (sarcastically) Thanks ma’am (runs inside her room to tell her friend?????)

    AMARACHI: hello, babe. What’s up!

    NKECHI: I no tell you say something go stick? E don happen! Well, the underground work is done. Here is the plan! You are travelling to London from Abuja airport so you would stay with us from tomorrow. On Saturday, evening, get Oscar to call you to say that your flight has been cancelled and the next available flight is next week Monday.
    That way, we buy more time to do our thing. My brother would be on annual leave from tomorrow!

    AMARACHI: gurl! You baaaad!

    NKECHI: agwarom gi! (Did I not tell you!) Don’t forget, my brother is a sucker for beautiful legs, and this is something you are blessed with. Get them bumshorts washed and ironed. No long gown biko????

    AMARACHI: hahahahaha?????? trust!

    NKECHI: seriously, my brother cannot resist a girl with beautiful legs. This Yoruba girl has good legs but nothing to compare with yours. My brother literally worships any female with nice legs. At the sight of a good pair of legs, Ebuka will bow.
    God punish inter-tribal marriage!

    AMARACHI: amen o! ???

    NKECHI: done your hair?

    AMARACHI: I’ll do it today

    NKECHI: See you tomorrow

    EPISODE 6

    NKECHI: Dede, Amara just got to the Park; can I use your car to go pick her up, please?

    EBUKA: Nkechi, you know you cannot drive me car! You’ll be arrested because your name is not in my insurance. Why not ask her to take a cab?

    NKECHI: she’s not very familiar with Abuja and has had a not so good experience with an Uber driver, so she is scared to use them.

    EBUKA: make she enter keke naw. It’s just roughly 15 minutes from the park to here!

    NKECHI: seriously! You want my friend to enter that??? I’m going to pick her up!

    EBUKA: Nkechinyere, you are just a pain in the backside! Funmi, let me go and pick her friend up abeg.

    FUNMI: no problems. By the time you come back, food should be ready.

    EBUKA: alright, hun. Nkechi! I’ll be waiting in the car.

    NKECHI: I won’t be a minute??

    (They got to the park and picked Amarachi up. She is a very beautiful young lady and has got all the features that can get a man’s head swelling and swirling. One thing though, she was not dressed in bumshorts as was suggested by Nkechi.
    Instead, she was dressed in a white pencil skirt and a wine coloured off the shoulder top.

    Well, this had the effect of making her appear innocent, decent and classy. To the unsuspecting, she is harmless!)

    NKECHI: hello!

    AMARACHI: (Startled) oh my God! You scared me! (Hugs her)

    NKECHI: I saw you from the car and decided to take you unawares. Come along! My brother brought me!
    What’s the meaning of this you are wearing naw! This no be business meeting o!

    AMARACHI: oh! He came with you! Calm down, we are already fake so we don’t need to make it too obvious! Hahahaha!

    NKECHI: na your head be fake! Did you tell Oscar to ring?

    AMARACHI: you won’t believe he insisted I pay him 5k for that.

    NKECHI: did you?

    AMARACHI: yes o!

    NKECHI: don’t worry, it will be worth it in the end. That’s my brother’s car over there, come on!

    (At this point, I consider it necessary to tell you a little more about Ebuka, shall I? Well, Ebuka is one of those guys you would describe as “God’s gift to women” no he doesn’t struggle that much to keep “it” in his pants but he has a thing for women with nice legs and he has some aggressive blood flowing in his veins.

    In a nutshell, Ebuka is young, successful and the CEO of the very honourable beard gang

    When he caught a glimpse of Amarachi from afar, he wanted nothing more than to see more and more of her. For a moment, he was absent in the body and present in the spirit. Whatever you make of it, is what it is?)

    NKECHI: dede, meet my friend, Amara. Amara meet my dede Ebuka!??

    EBUKA:(offering her a handshake) or wow! What a beauty she is! Hello, Amara nice to meet you!

    AMARACHI: (shyly) hi, nice to meet you too. Thank you.

    EBUKA: get into the car, ladies. Do you need to stop anywhere at all or are we driving straight home?

    NKECHI: Amara, do you need anything?

    AMARACHI: No, I’m fine. Thank you.

    (During that 15 minutes drive home, Ebuka would occasionally try to get more view of Amara through the side mirror.
    A friend of mine once told me that it is difficult to resist a woman who is elegantly dressed. “You just wanna keep looking” he added! That might just be true!

    They got home and Funmi had already finished cooking and brought the pounded yam and okro soup she expertly made to the table, in airtight food containers.

    EBUKA: sweetie, we are home!

    FUNMI: oh that was quick?

    NKECHI: Amara, meet Funmi ..

    AMARACHI: hello, nice to meet you. My name is Amara. I am Nkechi’s friend and course mate

    FUNMI: nice to meet you too. My name is Funmi, that’s my husband over there. You are welcome

    NKECHI: hian!?

    FUNMI: please go change into something comfortable and come to the dinning table.

    (Lol this is funny, she shouldn’t have said that, should she! The moment she mentioned ‘something comfortable ” it activated the instructions Nkechi had given her earlier. So she went in and came out in a smoking hot khaki green bumshorts and a white cotton crop top. By God, the girl has got legs!
    When she came out, everyone else was already seated and yet again, Ebuka was caught in the act of ‘excessive lookery ‘ .
    It was so obvious that Funmi noticed it and went to the bedroom, summoning him….)

    FUNMI: what was the meaning of that!!!

    EBUKA: the meaning of what!!

    FUNMI: you couldn’t keep your eyes off her as she walked to the table! I find that very disrespectful!

    EBUKA: Funmi, this is the only problem I’ve always had with you! Your insecurity does my head in! You are beautiful, you are brilliant and I chose you over any other women out there! These should give you some sort of confidence in yourself but no! In your head, every other woman out there is better than you! Come on naw!

    FUNMI: please tell your sister to tell her friend to dress appropriately when you are around. I’m not happy with what she is wearing please! Also, I want her to leave tomorrow morning. You can pay for a hotel for them or something

    EBUKA: nah, babe. That’s not happening. There’s already tension between me and my family, you don’t wanna cause more. Can I go eat now, please?

    FUNMI: I want her to leave or I go to Lagos until she leaves.

    EBUKA: I’ll leave that choice with you. I’m going back to the dinning. Put an end to this drama now! And I mean now!!

    EPISODE 7

    FUNMI: Ebuka! Ebuka!! Wake up!!!

    EBUKA: (incoherently) what is it, babe?

    FUNMI: I’m going to Lagos and I’m ready. Please drop me off to the park?

    EBUKA: so you now wake up and decide to go to your parents’ house without any prior notice? And since when did you start going to Lagos by road? What’s with the recent attitude?

    FUNMI: my mum’s blood pressure has been playing up so I’m going to spend the weekend with them. They also want to increase the house rent for tenants so I am the one who does all the maths! Please drop me off I don’t want to be late. I also want give you all the time you need to stare at naked women!

    EBUKA: make sure this is what you want to do o! Everything was fine until Nkechi’s friend came. A girl I haven’t even sat down and talk to for a minute except at meal times.
    Since she came, Nkechi has changed towards you.
    She is more respectful to you, she makes Nkechi do chores; she even washed your clothes yesterday! That is something Nkechi would never have done on her own and you know it!
    wait wait! Do you think im going to do what? Sleep with her or marry her, what!
    I’m honestly getting fed up of your silly insecurity. You need to do something about it.
    Finally, I am unaware of this trip, get a cab!

    FUNMI: I should get a cab eh, Ebuka?? I should get a cab! I told you my mum is Ill and I need to go see her and you refused to drop me off to the park abi!!!
    Two days ago, you went to the park to pick a girl up even when you were very tired; just because she is Ibo!
    If you loved your Ibo women that much, why didn’t you marry one of them! Since she came, all of you now communicate in Ibo leaving me totally in the dark!
    Home is no longer what it used to be, and I’ve asked you to pay for a hotel for her since she is only here for a few days, but no!

    EBUKA: I have no money to pay for a hotel when I own a mansion. The problem is in your head. You need to detoxify your mind otherwise this marriage is in for a big one

    NKECHI: (knocks once on the door and opened almost immediately) what’s the matter, dede? What’s with the Igbo girls this, that and the other? O gini?? (What’s the matter?)

    FUNMI: leave my bedroom now! You lack manners!

    NKECHI: o si na o gini? (What’s she saying?)

    EBUKA: Nkechi, go back to your room, biko.

    NKECHI: just wanted to ask you guys to keep the noise down, it’s Saturday and my visitor is asleep!
    Abraham had a reason for asking Isaac to get himself a wife from his tribe! Mtchewww! (Walks out)

    FUNMI: I’m leaving, I’ll be back on Tuesday!

    EBUKA: what about your work?

    FUNMI: I took Monday and Tuesday off

    EBUKA: do you want me to call Chima to get you into the next available flight? It’s stressful travelling that long by road, especially with the state of the roads!

    FUNMI: no?

    EBUKA: alright, I’ll drop you to the park. Let me quickly brush my teeth

    FUNMI: thanks. Babe, can you please stay at Chima’s house until I’m back please. I’m begging?

    EBUKA: haaa! Chai! Chineke!! Funmi you don mad finish, I swear! So you think Chima has anti cheating installed in his house huh?
    If I want to do a thing, my location won’t make any difference. Girl, I’m mobile! I’ve got some money. I could go to London and come back between now and Tuesday. Come on!
    I’m an Igbo man, we don’t sleep in another man’s house. Just get real!
    The girl you are all worried about isn’t even that beautiful! Come on! You know the kind of girls I go for. Besides, she is my little sister’s friend! I see her as a sister!

    FUNMI: the way you look at her isn’t the way one looks at a sister!

    EBUKA: This conversation is over from my end. Let me take you to the park, biko!
    *********************************************

    (Funmi got to her family home but the doors were all locked so she started banging and calling out. Adaku heard her from her room and came out to see who it was)

    ADAKU: hello, who are you looking for?

    FUNMI: hi, where are my parents? Sorry my name is Funmi; I am Mr Bode’s daughter.

    ADAKU: oh nice to meet you. I think they have gone to church. They are Seventh Days Adventist members

    FUNMI: oh sugar! How could I have forgotten!

    ADAKU: it happens to the best of us. Come stay in my room and wait for them. I’m sure they won’t be long

    FUNMI: how kind! You must be one of the new tenant because it’s my first time seeing you.

    ADAKU: yes, I am. So where do you live? Sorry before I start, I made some chicken stew. Would you like some?

    FUNMI: oh yes, please! Can’t say no to anything chicken? I live in Abuja with my husband

    ADAKU: Wow! It must be great living with your husband. Some of us are not that lucky

    FUNMI: yes, you enjoy that companionship. Doesn’t mean you won’t encounter other problems though.. so are you divorced?

    ADAKU: hehehe no dear. My husband recently moved to Canada after we got married. So I live here alone and lonely at the moment

    FUNMI: awwww! it must be hard. So any plans of you joining him at all?

    ADAKU: of course. I’ve got an interview on Monday with the Canadian Embassy.

    FUNMI: oh! All the best with that. Actually I’m gonna give you my number to you tell me all about it. By the way, I am married to an Ibo man. This food is so delicious! Wow! Your hubby is definitely missing out!??

    ADAKU: Wow! The best men in the entire world! You are lucky!

    FUNMI: Hehehehe! Praising your brothers now aye! But if I’m honest, he has been a great husband but family, especially his little sister is a witch! Pure witch.

    ADAKU: I think every family is blessed with one witch. Hahahaha

    FUNMI: mine isn’t o! Well, it’s just me, my mum and dad and my adopted brother, Tosin. And I must say we are nice to people.

    ADAKU: hehehe. Well, I hope you somehow get on with your sister in law. Shall we see a movie?

    FUNMI: Oh my God! I can’t believe we like the same things on a weekend! Finally got myself a bestie!!! Yeeeeee
    **********************************************

    (Ebuka went from the park to the gym. By the time he got home, Nkechi and her friend in bumshorts had cleaned and polished the whole house in such a manner that it sparkled. They had also cooked a sumptuous vegetable soup with loads of goat meat, Ebuka’s favourite thing in the world.
    Being very hungry, he bounced on the food joined by the girls, they dismantled it. Ebuka then grabbed his Xbox and got busy, while the girls retired to their room for more “planning”

    After about two hours, the girls came out in their bikinis. Oh! And was Ebuka magneted by Amara’s stunning figure!)

    NKECHI: dede, I want to use the swimming pool, is that okay?

    EBUKA: erm sure! You girls want to swim?

    AMARACHI: Nkechi wants to swim, so i am only going to watch her because I can’t swim to save my life

    EBUKA: why not! But you are dressed for it. Do you want to learn?

    AMARACHI: if I get a trusted tutor, definitely not Nkechi. She is too skinny to rescue me if I was drowning?

    NKECHI: I no blame you?

    EBUKA: alright, I’ll change and come teach you

    AMARACHI: oh how kind! Yeeeee

    (The girls got into the pool and before you could say ‘married’ Ebuka was out in his body hugging swimming suit revealing everything that makes a sister vulnerable. I’ll spare you the details)

    Ebuka: are you ready?

    The girls: yessssss!!!

    (Ebuka dived into the pool and helped Amara in. Then the swimming lesson began while Nkechi was swimming on the other end of the pool to leave them enough space for the tutorial.
    Don’t ask me, but the lesson involved a lot of body contact and before long, Ebuka’s body started to obviously react to the many contacts. How did I know? It was obvious even without my glasses, I could SEE It all??)

    Nkechi: dede, I must go get call card now, I need to call mum. (Jumps out of the pool creating not just more space for the two, but privacy and a conducive atmosphere)

    EBUKA: what are you doing???

    AMARACHI: I’m sorry..

    EBUKA: you don’t have to be. Did you do that on purpose?

    AMARACHI:?

    EBUKA: are you bold enough to say what you want? Who knows, you might just get it…

    AMARACHI: probably not, but are you smart enough to read my body language?

    EPISODE 8

    NKECHI: Amara, get the door I am in the restroom!

    AMARACHI: coming!! One minute (opens the door) wow! Where have you been since Saturday. We’ve looked everywhere for you!

    EBUKA: why are you still here. You only had my permission to be here until Sunday. By my calendar, today is Monday. You should be in London and not here!

    AMARACHI: I’ll explain..

    EBUKA: (pushed her aside and walked angrily upstairs) Nkechinyere! Nkechinyere!!

    NKECHI: dede!

    EBUKA: come upstairs immediately!

    NKECHI: hian! Give me 6 minutes. I’m freshening up!

    (Nkechi went upstairs to his brother’s room after freshening up. But before then, she reassured Amara of her continuous effort to bring their agenda to fruitition )

    NKECHI: dede you got me really worried! You disappeared since Saturday. No phone call or text message. Kee ebe igara? (where did you go?)

    EBUKA: I lodged in a hotel

    NKECHI: why?

    EBUKA: so your friend did not tell you anything?

    NKECHI: mba! She did not. What happened?

    EBUKA: she did not tell you anything at all??

    NKECHI: makachukwu onweghi ihe ogwaram (honest to God, she did not tell me anything ) However, she has been crying since Saturday coupled with the fact that her flight was cancelled and rescheduled for next Sunday!

    EBUKA: go inside and ask her to pack up and leave immediately!

    NKECHI: but why? What has she done? You can’t just send her away like that!
    When I was stranded in Lagos, her brother housed me for weeks! If you are not going to tell me why you are sending her away, then ill call brother Chinwendu and tell him and I’ll leave with her!

    EBUKA: if she must stay here, you must ask her to behave!

    NKECHI: how? She’s been absolutely helpful so what do you mean?

    EBUKA: The scanty clothes must stop! Funmi is coming back tomorrow so I wouldn’t want to see her walking around the house almost naked!

    NKECHI: hahahah! Dede dede! But it’s not her fault that she’s got nice legs and body. So her crime is that she is more beautiful than your Yoruba wife!???
    You know you are an Igbo man, so you are allowed to take a second bride. The elders will support you???

    EBUKA: it’s either she abides by those rules or she leaves and you can tell whoever you like. I don’t care

    NKECHI: okay, I’ll tell her. Would you like Some breakfast? We made some really nice omelette.

    EBUKA: no thanks. You can leave now; shut the door behind you. Thank you!

    (Nkechi joined her friend in her room, and Ebuka started to ring Funmi)

    EBUKA: (??????)

    FUNMI: hello..good morning

    EBUKA: morning, how is mummy today?

    FUNMI: she is fine. I got her some blood pressure tablets. So she is fine now

    EBUKA: good stuff! So when are you coming back to me?

    FUNMI: has your visitor left?

    EBUKA: I have no visitor.

    FUNMI: when is she leaving?

    EBUKA: Why are you asking me? I don’t know! I don’t even talk to that lady! I have been paying 10 thousand naira a night in a hotel just to get you to believe I am not sleeping with her whilst you are away!
    I have called you on video every single night since you left, just to prove to you that I am not keeping any other woman in the hotel either!
    How else do you want me to prove my faithfulness to you!

    FUNMI: I’m not coming back until she leaves.

    EBUKA: I’ve told Nkechi to warn her about wearing shorts around the house, and she has agreed not to wear them anymore. Please come back, Funmi!

    FUNMI: actually, I found this really nice Ibo lady. She is my dad’s tenant and we have become great friends so I don’t even feel like returning.

    EBUKA: why are you doing this? Why are you exposing our young marriage to dangers! You would rather spend time with your new friend than me, right?

    FUNMI: okay, I’ll come back on Tuesday. Babe, can you do me a huge favour please?

    EBUKA: what favour?

    FUNMI: there’s something I’ve asked Calista to buy for me. She called to say she got it. Could you please go collect it from her at Ibrahim junction please?

    EBUKA: how would I know when she gets there?

    FUNMI: she’ll call you. I’ve given her your number

    EBUKA: whatever makes you happy.

    FUNMI: thanks, I’ll see you on Tuesday morning

    EBUKA: I love you

    FUNMI: love you too

    (Immediately Ebuka got off the phone, there was a knock on the door, when he asked the person to come in, it was Amara. But this time, she was fully clothed)

    EBUKA: why are you in my bedroom?

    AMARACHI: I’m sorry, I’ve been here for a while waiting for you to get done with the call so I can come and apologise for what happened on Saturday.
    Please forgive me. That is not who I am…I….I just didn’t know what came over me. I am so ashamed of myself

    EBUKA: Amara, you are beautiful. Let me be straight, you are damn sexy! You can turn an impotent man on! but you know I am married why would you harass me in the manner you did on Saturday?

    AMARACHI: like I said, I don’t know what came over me. I sincerely regret it and I promise it will never happen again.

    EBUKA: so when is your flight?

    AMARACHI: Sunday

    EBUKA: do you have enough spending money that will last you till then?

    AMARACHI: not really but I’ll be fine

    EBUKA: I’ll give you some money later in the day, and if you need anything let me know.. (phone rings) sorry, I need to take this call
    Hello.. hello

    Caller: hello, am I on to Ebuka?

    EBUKA: yes, you are.

    Caller: my name is Calista, your wife’s colleague. I’ve got something for her and I am at Ibrahim junction, sorry I can’t bring it to your house otherwise I would miss my bus home.

    EBUKA: if that’s the only problem, then come. I’ll drop you home

    CALISTA: are you sure?

    EBUKA: sure!

    CALISTA: alright, I’ll see you soon

    (Calista dropped the item and as Ebuka was driving her home, she initiated a conversation)

    CALISTA: Funmi tells me what an amazing husband you are.

    EBUKA: does she!

    CALISTA: yes. I wish I have a man to go home to every night

    EBUKA: but you don’t look single to me

    CALISTA: I am as single as it comes .

    EBUKA: why?

    CALISTA: I’m not attractive enough

    EBUKA: you must be kidding me! You are stunning!

    CALISTA: my house is the next block. Would you like to come inside and have a cup of coffee?. Don’t say no please

    EBUKA: very kind of you! I will!

    (They got in and Calista quickly changed into a very loose transparent shirt wearing only an underpant beneath and leaving about 4 buttons undone from the top)

    CALISTA: sorry I had to quickly change.

    EBUKA: no worries

    CALISTA: would you like to have a look around the house?

    EBUKA: do I have the time?

    CALISTA: of course you do, you have nobody to go home to (gently pulling her shirt apart to reveal even more “skin”) by the way, why are you pretending as if you are blind?

    EBUKA: how do you mean?

    CALISTA: (takes off her shirt entirely) why are you behaving as if you don’t like this? (Pointing to her breasts)

    EBUKA: ermm, I do. But they are on the wrong body. You are my wife’s friend

    CALISTA: what does it matter?

    EBUKA: everything

    CALISTA: pressing herself against him, but I have on several occasions walked into her doing it with our manager. You see, it’s not so much of a big deal as you are making it look.

    EBUKA: (gently pushes her away) what did you just say!!

    CALISTA: these things happen everywhere and everyday. Funmi is known for her generosity at work, if you know what I mean?

    EBUKA: (grabs his car keys and kicks the door open, jumps into his car and zooms off)

    EPISODE 9

    (Funmi had called Ebuka severally to pick her up from the park to no avail, so she decided to take a cab home. she knocked on the door and Nkechi opened the door for her)

    FUNMI: where is your brother??

    NKECHI: calm down, woman! a hello would be a good start!

    FUNMI: oh sorry my dear! I’m just worried because I rang him endlessly. he was supposed to pick me up.
    good day

    NKECHI: well, it’s not very unusual not to get a response when you ring someone on phone! stop acting like someone died!

    FUNMI:I don’t even have your time this morning (walks briskly upstairs into their bedroom where Ebuka was getting dressed)
    did you not see my calls??

    EBUKA: (Ignores her and carries on adjusting his ties in front of the mirror )

    FUNMI: stop ignoring me! I am talking to you! I only went to Lagos to see my poorly mother! why didn’t you come to pick me up from the park, like we agreed!

    EBUKA: you got yourself safely home, right? so no damage done! get out of my way (pushes her aside and walks away)

    FUNMI: ( nearly falls over) Jesu! Ebuka, you’ll hurt me!! what’s your problem! (walks into Nkechi’s room) Nkechi, what’s happening? your brother is not talking to me!

    NKECHI: not sure about you Yorubas, but Igbo parents raise their children never to interfere in matters between husband and wife. a third party should not even know about this. he is not talking to you, so what!
    He is your husband, you should know how best to penetrate him, if you weren’t busy frequenting Lagos! please keep me out of it!

    AMARACHI: I think you should….

    FUNMI: hey! stay out of this, please. stay entirely out of it!

    (Amarachi’s phone rings…..)

    AMARACHI: hello???

    EBUKA: Hi, Amara. its Ebuka here. I am at that MTN office at the junction. could you come there right now, please. its urgent!

    AMARACHI: is everything okay?

    EBUKA: yes. just come.

    AMARACHI: Okay. see you shortly. Nkechi, I need to go see someone at the junction now

    NKECHI: hian! is everything okay, and who are you going to meet?

    AMARACHI: a friend of mine. I told her I came to Abuja so she asked where about. when I told her, she said she was coming to collect her dress from her designer somewhere near the junction and asked if we could meet up. so she is right there now.

    NKECHI: alright. be careful then.

    AMARACHI: I will.

    (Amarachi got to the junction and saw Ebuka in his car. his eyes were red and swollen; he had deafening music playing in his car that he couldn’t hear Amara calling him, so she banged on his glass)

    EBUKA: oh! you are here already! perfect! get into the car please

    AMARACHI: could you turn down the volume of the music, please!

    EBUKA: Sure! (turns down the volume of the music, Amara got into the car and he drove her to a posh Hilton hotel. when he got to the car park, he switched off the ignition)
    Amara, have you heard of revenge sex?

    AMARACHI: yes. why?

    EBUKA: I wanna have revenge sex with you. Now, listen, I am going to be straight forward with you. I love your body. I do not necessarily love you and I do not want a relationship with you or any other woman, as a matter of fact.
    So I would like to spend some time with you in this hotel. precisely, I would like to have sex with you here today. How much would you charge me. Don’t be afraid to go into the million zone.

    AMARACHI: who are you carrying out the revenge on?

    EBUKA: my wife

    AMARACHI: Did she cheat on you?

    EBUKA: Stop asking too many questions. how much are you willing to charge

    AMARACHI: Ebuka, I will not have sex with you. in fact, I will never have sex with you!

    EBUKA: so why did you act as if you were dying to have me over the weekend? is it because I said I love only your body? who knows, love might come after sex. you never can tell! but I am an honest guy

    AMARACHI: I know I may have acted cheap over the weekend. that is why I am not offended by you asking me for a paid sex. I am actually not cheap; but I understand, because I created that impression.

    EBUKA: (opens his pigeon hole and brings out a bundle of 20 thousand naira) here, have this, get off my car and go back home, miss expensive!

    AMARACHI: I am new here and I do not know my way around. so I will not put myself in any form of danger. drop me home or I am going no where!
    and for your information, I traded my shame for the joy of the lord, e mean say I no dey shame. we fit create a crowd pulling scene here if you want. so get your filthy money off my face!

    EBUKA: I don’t expect a slut like you to have any shame anyway. well, the last time I checked, you are going to be a graduate engineer in a few months from now. so I would expect you to be street wise and able to take yourself around with the help of your mobile phone. but since you are not as intelligent as you look, I will help.
    so, there is something called Uber ride, call them and get yourself home!

    AMARACHI: just so you know, I am an only daughter to a doting parents. if anything happens to me, they will die. so I will not enter into a stranger’s car. when you are done ranting, take this slut home!

    EBUKA: okay! i will drop you to a place where you only need one taxi home, and i will put you into that taxi by myself. is that okay, madam Thatcher?

    AMARACHI: It is not okay, Mr Hitler! home! home! home! or no where else!

    (seeing that she was not willing to accept any other option, Ebuka decided to drive her home. when they got home, Ebuka went straight to his Xbox. but Amara walked all the way back to the junction and then got a cab back home, so that no one would know they went out together)

    FUNMI: darling, food is ready

    EBUKA: not hungry. thanks!

    FUNMI: why are you not hungry. seriously, why not tell me exactly what I have done! why are you being wicked to me!

    EBUKA: Funmi, do you want to tell me anything about you and your manager, Mr Osai?

    FUNMI: ,Mr Osai? no. what about him?

    EBUKA: Perfect then! (picks up his phone and started ringing Chima, his friend)

    CHIMA: what’s up?

    EBUKA: o boy, you dey house?

    CHIMA: yes, i dey

    EBUKA: i dey come your end, abeg

    CHIMA: no wahala. see you!

    (Ebuka walks out of the house and went to his friend’s house. when he left, Funmi picked up her phone and started ringing Calista)

    CALISTA: hey my beautiful! are you alright?

    FUNMI: no, i am not. did you tell my husband about Mr Osai and I?

    CALISTA: (Pressed record on her phone so that their conversation is being recorded in her mobile phone)
    you mean if i told him that you slept with Mr Osai?

    FUNMI: Yes, did you?

    CALISTA: wait wait! I don’t get it. do you mean the one I walked in on you having sex with him or the one you told me happened when you went to Ghana for training? i really don’t understand.

    FUNMI: yes!! yes! did you tell him or anyone else about it, please!

    CALISTA: Come on, babe! you know i would never do a thing like that to you!….

    EPISODE 10

    MADAM BOLA: () omo Ibo! Omo Ibo!!! Open door o! Day don break! Which young person dey stay for bed until this time when him mates don all dey ready for work.
    for night you no go sleep, na so you go dey for phone dey talk to man!

    ADAKU: good morning, ma.

    MADAM BOLA: ehn! I wan come tell you say rent dey go up this month by twenty thousand naira o!

    ADAKU: why? There has been no renovations or anything done to the house to warrant such increase?

    MADAM BOLA: na your mama you dey ask why? Na lack of respect go kill you! No home training at all!!!
    See as she keep mouth dey ask me why! Anyway, if you no like am, pack your things and go back to Igbo land.
    Lagos no be lazy man land. No be like your place wen una no dey pay rent. I don talk finish. No talk say I no tell you o!

    (Adaku went back inside and shut her door. After a while, one of the tenants called Bose knocked on her door…)

    ADAKU (opens the door) morning, Bose

    BOSE: na vex say I dey disturb, abeg help me charge my phone for your room. I no get fuel to put my generator on. Abeg

    ADAKU: sure! Come in and plug it in. Ehn! Bose, did you hear of the rent increase?

    BOSE: which increase?

    ADAKU: landlady told me this morning that rent has increased by twenty thousand naira.

    BOSE: ah! She no tell me anything like that o! She only say a new tenant will be moving in from next week. That’s all.

    ADAKU: okay.

    (Bose left and Adaku went to madam Bola’s house)

    ADAKU () anyone home?

    MADAM BOLA: wetin you want?

    ADAKU: sorry to disturb, but why was my rent increased but everyone else’s stayed the same?

    MADAM BOLA: oh! You come my house come ask me why again??? You no dey shame? All the money wen you dey get for olosho job, wetin you dey take am dey do! Leave my house before I call my dog!

    ADAKU: I’ll leave but just so you know, I am not paying a kobo more than what I have always paid. Bye! (Walks out)

    MADAM BOLA: na for that house them go find your decomposing body if you no pay rent. Shebi na me and you for this yard. You go see!
    ************************************************

    FUNMI: good morning, sir.

    MR OSAI: morning, Funmi. You don’t look too happy; what’s the matter?

    FUNMI:(breaks down in tears????)

    MR OSAI: oh dear! What’s the matter? Come on! Stop crying and talk to me. What happened? How is Ebuka?

    FUNMI: I’m in trouble??

    MR OSAI: what trouble? If you calm down and tell me, I might be able to help. I mean you are my staff i could use the company’s money to solve the problem and then gradually take it back from your wages.
    Did you make any mistakes?
    Is money missing?
    Did you overpay a client?

    FUNMI: nooo????? my husband found out I was sleeping with you.

    MR OSAI: but that happened when we were both unmarried!
    Do you know all the women he slept with before meeting you? Come on! This shouldn’t be an issue!

    FUNMI: that’s the problem! He didn’t even let me explain. I don’t know what he was told and who told him.
    Since then, home has been hell! He goes out and comes back drunk and totally off his face. Calls me all manner of names. I never thought my past could find its way to my present and mess it up this way!

    MR OSAI: but you and I had a secret relationship because we were in the same company.
    No one knew about it except of course your friend…. And I take the blame because you kicked against that but I insisted on having sex with you in my office. So how could he have known!
    Does your friend have his phone number?

    FUNMI: no..well, yes. I recently gave it to her because I wanted her to give him the shoes he bought me from Italy, when I was in Lagos. I don’t think she saved it.
    And I don’t want to believe she would do such a thing to me

    MR OSAI: I’m not saying she said it, but you women can be really nasty when you feel your friend is happier than you. You women are always competing with each other, which I think is pathetic!
    Listen, go to your husband when he is sober and explain things to him.
    Come on! Not like we were having casual sex! We were in a relationship and we were going to get married until our genotypes shattered those plans.
    I’m sure your husband had sex with at least one of his exes! Why punish you for it!

    FUNMI: I am in bits. This is a home where I am already the black sheep! If his family gets to know, they’d kick me out and my mother warned me not to ever come back home if my marriage crashes, because she was never in support of me marrying an Ibo man??

    MR OSAI: would you like me to talk man to man with him?

    FUNMI: I don’t know what I want. I can’t even function

    MR OSAI: alright! Listen, this is not a big deal at all, but I understand your fears. I’ll give you one week off, fully paid. Try to sort things out with him as amicably as possible, if all fails, I’ll send you to America to start a new life. What nonsense!!!??
    I hate to see you like this. And I feel very guilty because I am enjoying my own marriage. Please go home and if you need anything, regardless of what time of the day or night it is, I am only a phone call away.
    Here is fifty thousand naira, have that on you just in case.?

    FUNMI: thank you very much. I’ll be on my way now.

    MR OSAI: take care of you, funmi?‍?

    (Funmi got home and met Amarachi and Nkechi but Ebuka was not home)

    FUNMI: good morning, Kechi. Where is your brother?

    NKECHI: you are asking me??? You are asking me ehn! You see how you are ruining my brother’s life!
    Whatever you did to him that he has refused to tell anyone, only God knows!
    Ebuka that hardly drinks now comes home drunk every single night! My brother is gradually dying in my own presence because of a Yoruba fool he got himself entangled with!
    Pray nothing happens to him. Otherwise we will show you what we are made of! I recorded him last night drunk and talking gibberish. I’ll send that video to brother Chinwendu just so he knows exactly how you are killing my brother

    AMARACHI: NKechi ozuola!( NKechi, it’s enough!)

    FUNMI: ???

    NKECHI: enough what! Do you know how I feel seeing my brother like that! Please don’t tell me it’s enough!
    I will kill this Yoruba thing with my bare hands if anything happens to Ebuka.
    You better go and ask of Okoye family! Anyi adighi ekiri mmanwu ana akwa aka! (An Igbo proverb suggesting that they are not cowards)

    AMARACHI: where are you getting dressed to go?

    NKECHI: I’m going to welcome my boyfriend from the airport. I told you yesterday. See, you don’t have to assist this Yoruba woman with any house chores. Her people like using people, so don’t let a Yoruba person tell you what to do. Otherwise she will put you for pant. I’m off!…Don’t forget to eat?

    (Nkechi left the house, Funmi went into the kitchen to prepare launch. She cried audibly as she washed the pot in preparation for cooking. Amara walked into the kitchen, took the vegetables and started chopping them for her)

    AMARACHI: I know it hurts, but should you need someone to talk to, I am here…

    FUNMI: why should I trust you, a stranger!

    AMARACHI: perhaps because I am a woman and I feel your pains..

    FUNMI: you don’t! Nobody does!

    AMARACHI: you cheated on him, right?

    FUNMI:(shocked) what? How did you know! I did not cheat!!! I didn’t (breaks down in tears??)

    AMARACHI: it’s not the end of the world. You can deal with this. You have the ability in you. You just need the temerity…
    I can help you….

    FUNMI: how???

    EPISODE 11

    MADAM BOLA: morning baba o!

    BABA: morning. E don tey since I never see you. You don forget us abi?

    MADAM BOLA: no be so, baba. I no well na from hospital to hospital I dey go

    BABA: you for come collect herbs now

    MADAM BOLA: I go come for that one soon but e get one way I need like now now!

    BABA: wetin be that one?

    MADAM BOLA: shebi you know that my omo Ibo tenant, na she be my wahala. I don do everything make I see if she go pack out, for where!

    BABA: wetin exactly she do?

    MADAM BOLA: ah baba! Since she enter that yard, I never well. Na from one sickness to the other! From one loss to the other. Now, since my daughter come home eat for her house, her marriage don enter wahala!

    I believe say she be witch because as we dey suffer these things, na so she dey buy new new things! Last week she buy one big fridge and generator, yet she no get job o! How tenant go dey enjoy pass landlord! Ah! E no add up naw!

    BABA: hmmmmmmm! You see that girl? She be witch. E get one strong medicine man wen dey give am medicine. She dey divert all una good luck to herself. But no worry, we go teach am say power pass power!
    Wetin you want make we do am?

    MADAM BOLA: baba, the bible says suffer not the witch to live! Make we kill am have peace. Haba!

    BABA: madam, you no think say that one too harsh? Remember say you get daughter too and she too be person daughter. I no support the killing one ah!

    MADAM BOLA: e for better like that, but if you no gree, make we make am mad. Baba, no be small madness o! Madness way go make am the waka naked for the streets of Lagos! I wan see am dey pick rubbish for gutter!

    BABA: that one na small job. I go charge you seventy thousand.

    MADAM BOLA: ah! e too much naw! Baba, na fifty I hold. Abeg

    BABA: I dey come

    (Baba went into his shrine and came back with some charms tied around with different coloured fabrics and feathers )

    BABA: take this,➿ when you reach house, do the normal incantations on it facing the east, then drop am for her doorstep. The moment her eyes see am, E go begin. E fit take two days before the proper madness start.

    MADAM BOLA: eshe baba!

    (Madam Bola got home, and did exactly as she was told. She did it in the early hours when everyone was still asleep. Around 7.am, Adaku was leaving for work when she saw the strange looking object on her doorstep)

    ADAKU:? kee ihe di ihe a, bikonu! (What is this!)
    Well, whatever you may be, whoever might have kept you, whatever your purpose… I declare that no weapon fashioned against me shall prosper! Any tongue that has declared evil against me, I bring you to judgement this morning.
    In the name of Jesus Christ, I nullify you!

    The bible say that the Lord has highly exalted Jesus and given him a name that is above every other name, that at the mention of the name Jesus every knee shall bow and every tongue shall confess that Jesus is Lord!

    Therefore, you shall have no effect on me, as I continue to abide under the shadow of the almighty! (Picks it up and tries to put it in the bin)

    MADAM BOLA: hey! Hey! No put that thing inside any bin for this compound! Na so you and your people dey spread juju everywhere! Carry am go wherever you want throw am. No be for this compound!
    ************************************************

    (Nkechi did not come back from her boyfriend’s house yesterday. And as usual, Ebuka left the house early leaving just Amara and Funmi at home.
    Amara had just woken up and went to the kitchen to make herself a cup of coffee. She looked out from the window and saw Funmi sitting by the swimming pool and crying away. So she gently walked up to her)

    AMARACHI: I want to tell you a story, shall I?

    FUNMI:(startled) Jesus Christ! You scared me! Seriously, why can’t you stay the hell away from me! Why are you stalking me!
    Don’t you have a home or family to go back to!???

    AMARACHI: my flight was rescheduled for Sunday, so I’ll stop disturbing you very soon. But I must tell you this story.

    FUNMI: i am not interested!

    AMARACHI: it doesn’t matter. Well, A farmer lived who was very poor and could barely provide his family’s daily bread. He works for a certain rich man in his farm and gets paid peanuts monthly. But it was his only source of livelihood so he was happy that he at least had one!

    This farmer had an only son whom he managed to send to high school. One day, his son who was very brilliant got home and told him that he had been given scholarship to study abroad!

    The farmer was over the moon, but his happiness quickly turned to sadness when his son mentioned that he needed money to purchase his flight ticket.

    FUNMI: (repositions herself so that she is now facing and listening to Amara) why didn’t the scholarship board take care of that?

    AMARACHI: well, they didn’t. So this man thought of what to do. He had no one to borrow from and month end was still far away. So he decided to steal from his master.

    FUNMI: ughhhhh!

    AMARACHI: he went to his master’s safe and took just enough money for his son’s flight ticket. He gave his son the money and he travelled. Unknown to him however, was the fact that one of his colleagues saw him taking the money!

    FUNMI: oh sugar!

    AMARACHI: the next day, his master summoned all of them and asked them who took the money, but they all denied it including him. So the master promised he was going to investigate and if he finds out who did it, he would ensure the fellow spends the rest of his life behind bars!
    When the master left, the colleague that saw him taking the money called him separately and told him that he was going to report him to their master

    The farmer begged and begged. So his colleague said that he would not tell their master on the condition that he gives him 50% of his salary every month.
    Not wanting to go to jail, the farmer agreed to the condition.
    Every month he would give his colleague half of his wage, and this carried on for years!

    One day, He said to himself “I WILL REPORT MYSELF TO MY MASTER” so he went to his master and told him everything and how he had been paying his colleague to stop him from reporting him.

    His master was greatly saddened, pardoned him and even promised him a pay rise. At the end of the month, he did not give his colleague any money. So he came asking for it.

    Then the man said to him I HAVE REPORTED MYSELF TO MY MASTER, YOU NOW HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO REPORT. In shame, he left him alone

    FUNMI: wow!

    AMARACHI: Funmi?

    FUNMI: Yes?

    AMARACHI: report yourself to your master.

    FUNMI: how do you mean?

    AMARACHI: you see, when you report yourself to your master, you take the power away from the accuser!
    When you sit your husband down and tell him exactly what happened, whoever is telling him all these will have nothing new to attack your home with.
    I must leave you now. Good morning.?‍

    EPISODE 12

    Ebuka slept at home last night, his first time sleeping at home since he got told about his wife and her manager.

    Although he slept at home, he did not sleep in their bedroom and did not talk to Funmi or anyone else. He was on his Xbox in the living room until he slept off on the sofa.
    Early in the morning, he woke up to a voice note on whatsapp from Calista.

    The voice note was the full conversation between Calista and Funmi, in which she admitted sleeping with Mr Osai.

    After listening to it, his fears were confirmed and he was ready to hear from the horse’s mouth. So he went upstairs were Funmi was on her knees doing her morning devotion.

    EBUKA: sorry to disrupt, but you can always pray later. We need to talk!

    FUNMI (gets up) good morning, darling

    EBUKA: there’s nothing good about the morning. Did you sleep with your manager or not?

    FUNMI: phewww! I did not cheat on you.

    EBUKA: my question was clear, and it requires yes or no! Now, for the last time, did you sleep with your manager or not!!!!???

    FUNMI: Ebuka, I have never cheated on you!??

    EBUKA: you sure know how to test my patience, don’t you! Now, listen you little dirty cheat!
    I need a break pending when I’ll be qualified to file for a divorce.
    I would have done so this minute but we haven’t been married for up to a year, so we cannot obtain a divorce.
    Take whatever belongs to you and leave before I come back

    FUNMI: Ebuka, You know I can’t go to my family. They won’t have me! Why are you being unreasonable! Who is perfect anyway!

    EBUKA: Funmi, I have never asked you to be perfect! All I ever wanted is faithfulness in our marriage! Is that too much to ask for!!!

    FUNMI: I have been faithful!??

    EBUKA: indeed! Well, since you don’t have anyone to go back to, I will leave for you! Enjoy yourself and have more sex in the office or in our bedroom (Walks away angrily and as he walked to his car, his phone began to ring..)
    Hello, hello?

    CHINWENDU: Ebuka, is that you?

    EBUKA: Yes, dede. Good morning.

    CHINWENDU: are you sober? And can you hold a meaningful conversation?

    EBUKA: hian! What’s the meaning of that!

    CHINWENDU: will you shut your stupid mouth! What’s the meaning of this video Nkechinyere sent me on whatsapp! When did you become a drunk to the extent of coming home late totally off your face! When, Ebuka!!!

    EBUKA: I’m sure you’ll agree with me that I am an adult, and can have a drink or two when I want!

    CHINWENDU: Ebuka, so this is What a Yoruba woman has reduced you to! Tell, me, what is going on in your marriage?

    EBUKA: it’s nothing I cannot handle. I am a man.

    CHINWENDU: well, act like one! This is the same girl you left Oge for! A beautiful independent Igbo woman I found you here in Germany. Oge is doing well now with her husband and her son, while you are drinking yourself to stupor over your Yoruba woman!

    EBUKA: would you ever stop pulling the Oge card? Dede, please let me be. If I need your help or anyone else’s I would ask!

    CHINWENDU: well, for your information, it’s been three months now since I was made redundant. Lisa has been taking care of all the family needs. So if you keep drinking and damage your liver or kidney, be ready to treat yourself.

    And just so you know, Nkechi is still solely your responsibility. Mother needs to be taken care of and at the moment, I can’t do it. Better wake up and smell the coffee!
    Send that Yoruba woman away before she sends you to your grave!
    Ekwuchagom! (I’m done talking)

    EBUKA: bye!

    (Ebuka threw his phone into his car, and drove off)

    (Funmi was in the bedroom drowning in the ocean of her own tears when her phone rang. When she picked up, it was her project supervisor at uni calling)

    FUNMI: hello, ma’am good morning

    PROFESSOR: morning, Funmi. Are you okay?

    FUNMI: Yes, ma’am.

    PROFESSOR: you haven’t been attending classes and I am yet to receive your primary research. I think I did mention to you that you have some outstanding debts to clear.
    Your project is due to be handed in on the 30th of this month. How do you intend to do that when you have not even done your primary research!

    FUNMI: I know…but..I.. I.. don’t think I will be continuing the programme. I’ll come back to it when I’m ready.?

    PROFESSOR: awwww that’s a shame! You were doing really well. Can’t you get a loan from the bank or something?

    FUNMI: sorry ma’am but I’ll rather not talk about it.

    PROFESSOR: That’s okay. All the best, Funmi. Bye!

    (While Funmi cried upstairs, Nkechi and Amara were in their room. Nkechi was really concerned and wondering what Funmi must have done to her brother…)

    NKECHI: who knows what this demon did to him! Amara, do you know?

    AMARACHI: not at all. But he has really changed towards her. He is not even talking to her; must be hard for her as well

    NKECHI: I don’t care about her! I care about my brother! I hope they break up so that Ebuka will be himself again!

    AMARACHI: NKechi, I wanted to tell you that I’ll be leaving on Sunday

    NKECHI: why???

    AMARACHI: but we said my flight was rescheduled for Sunday. So we have to keep to it, so that they don’t get to know we are lying

    NKECHI: come on! Where is your brain when I need it! Now that he hates her, it is the time for you to get him to love you.
    By the way, why did you stop wearing shorts and all?
    He needs affection now more than ever! Cook for him, text him at work to see how he is doing. All those little thing! Come on!

    AMARACHI: I’m convinced that your brother doesn’t like me. I don’t want to continue insulting myself. I’m only doing this because of you otherwise I wouldn’t. But from Portharcourt I will be calling him and maybe sending him pictures.

    NKECHI: are you sure you won’t give up?

    AMARACHI: I promise. Let me go upstairs and tell Funmi that I’ll be going home on Sunday

    NKECHI: do you have to?

    AMARACHI: just common courtesy. At least she allowed me into her home.

    NKECHI: mtcheeeew. Go then!

    (Amara went upstairs and met Funmi still crying. She lowered her voice to prevent Nkechi hearing them)

    AMARACHI: did you tell him?

    FUNMI: I told him I didn’t cheat!

    AMARACHI: and? So you just told him you didn’t cheat? Girl! You need to be specific and tell him exactly what happened!
    Yes you slept with him but not whilst married, like you told me.
    Tell him you were in a relationship with him! Open your mouth and talk to your man!
    No one is gonna do that for you!

    FUNMI: I tried but he wouldn’t listen??

    AMARACHI: then send him a text message. He can’t help reading it. All he seeks is an answer!
    Anyway, I came to tell you that I’ll be leaving on Sunday

    FUNMI: (kneels down and holds her legs) please don’t leave me and go. Please stay here with me. I have no one else to talk to????
    Don’t leave me please

    AMARACHI: I understand but I need to go back to Portharcourt. That’s where my family lives. Unless you want to come with me

    FUNMI: but I work here. I’ll lose my job if I leave Abuja, please, Amara.

    AMARACHI: I’ll think about it. In the meantime, wipe those tears and go look for something to eat, okay?

    FUNMI: okay. I will. Thank you for being so kind. Thank you!

    EPISODE 13

    TOSIN: help! Somebody help me!! Somebody help!!!!

    ADAKU: (rushes out and finds Mrs Bola on the floor. She was breathing, but her breathing was very shallow and her eyes were shut)

    ADAKU: What happened to her????

    TOSIN: we just finished getting ready for church, as we stepped out, she just slumped????

    ADAKU: madam Bola! Madam Bola can you hear me?? (Feels her pulse) of dear! Her pulse is barely there!
    (Kneels down and gives her 15 chest compressions, then bends over her, locks her mouth into hers and gave her 3 rescue breath)
    Can you hear me, Madam?

    MADAM BOLA: (very faintly) y-e-s

    ADAKU: great! Alright, just give me a minute let me get my car and take you to the hospital! Tosin, please get me Bose to assist me with getting her into the car!

    (Adaku brought her car, assisted by Bose and Tosin, they got her into the back seat of the car. Adaku put her in the recovery position)

    ADAKU: Bose, please come with us to the hospital. Some hospitals won’t help you get the patient out of the car and I can’t carry her alone, please. Tosin is only a boy

    BOSE: sorry I can’t come with you guys. I’m sure the hospital will have wheelchairs to move patients around. Saturdays are the only days I rest. So I really need to rest but I’ll be praying for her. She will be fine, she is probably stressed

    ADAKU: Tosin, get into the front seat!???

    (Adaku drove as fast as she could to Ayodele General Hospital. She quickly got into reception and requested a wheelchair, but one of the nurses told her that all their wheelchairs were currently in use
    She went back to her car and with a lot of difficulties, carried madam Bola into the hospital, purchased a card and they gave her a bed. After about 10 minutes, the doctor walked in and started taking her vitals)

    DOCTOR: my name is doctor Ayodele, erm, I own this hospital. Your mum’s blood pressure is dangerously high. If nothing is done soon, and I mean s-o-o-n, she will have a heart attack and that may be fatal.

    ADAKU: oh no! Please doctor, commence treatment!

    DOCTOR: you need to deposit a non refundable sum of one hundred and thirty thousand naira, before we can do anything for her.

    ADAKU: please doctor, I do not have any cash on me right now. Please treat her and money will never be an issue!

    DOCTOR: we accept card payment, so, you don’t need to pay by cash.
    If you look well at the reception, you will see it clearly written that we do not commence treatment without deposit. That was after we lost huge sums from cases like this.
    So, it’s our policy here.
    I’m going back to my office. When the payment is made, come to my office with the receipt and we will commence treatment. Remember, you must act fast! ?‍

    (Adaku took her to two other hospitals owned by Yorubas, but they all refused to treat her without deposit. So she decided to ring her immediate younger brother who is a UK trained doctor and owns a sophisticated hospital in the Island
    His brother quickly sent an ambulance to transport Mrs Bola to their hospital where treatment was immediately commenced on her..
    *************************************************

    (Amara was at the backyard spreading her washings when Ebuka walked up to her)

    EBUKA: hi

    AMARACHI: hi

    EBUKA: how have you been?

    AMARACHI: good.

    EBUKA: what are you doing?

    AMARACHI: it is obvious, isn’t it?

    EBUKA: there’s no need to be rude. I..I am sorry I haven’t been talking to you all these while. I have been really messed up.
    First, i want to apologise for the other day at Hilton. I was acting under frustration.
    Secondly, I am also sorry for the nights I disrupted your sleep because I was drunk.
    That was just my way of trying to block reality. I just don’t wanna face it

    AMARACHI: it’s fine. It’s your house anyway. Erm, Thanks for having me. I will be leaving tomorrow.

    EBUKA: That’s why I’m here. Phewww! What I’m m about to say, will contradict what I told you at the hotel. Perhaps, love does grow with time.

    Seeing you everyday and seeing what a total woman you are, has made me fell in love with not just your body, but you.

    AMARACHI: interesting.

    EBUKA: I just wanted to ask if you could stay a little longer with us here. No, I’m not asking you to warm my bed just yet. Seeing you around makes me feel better. Can you just….You know…erm, just stay…

    AMARACHI: You need a house girl?

    EBUKA: no no! Of course I’m not asking you to do stuffs around the house. It’s up to you if you want to do them or not. I just want to come home and meet a woman at home, that’s it

    AMARACHI: your wife is here. What other woman do you need to come home to?

    EBUKA: listen, Amara. Funmi is still my wife today only because we cannot obtain a divorce now. We’ve only been married for five months but I have asked her for separation.
    She knows when I say I’m done, I am indeed done!
    The marriage between I and Funmi, is finished. As it stands, I am single, sorrowful and seriously searching

    AMARACHI: hmmm! I would have loved to stay. I’m sure you don’t need a prophet to tell you how much I want you in my life
    I couldn’t even hide it but fate looked into my heart and created this opportunity…..

    EBUKA: awwwww! It’s sad that love was standing all these while in front of me, but I couldn’t see it. Funmi was a scale in my eyes. I’m glad she fell off and I saw this diamond. If you give me the chance, I will make you the envy of your friends and foes alike

    AMARACHI: but I must go to London

    EBUKA: why!!

    AMARACHI: I already paid for the ticket as well as my hotel and the fees are non refundable

    EBUKA: How much is it all together?

    AMARACHI: I paid nearly 2 million naira

    EBUKA: I’ll transfer that into your account right now

    AMARACHI: oh my God! Will you? Awwww! If not that someone might be watching, I would have given you a very deep passionate kiss right now! Thank you!!!!

    EBUKA: we have forever and a day to do that. And let me know what you would love to do after your graduation so that I can be working towards that, okay?

    AMARACHI: okay!! Thank you so much

    EBUKA: it’s nothing. I like to help any woman I am with to achieve the best she can. That was why I sent this dirty little cheat to do her masters. But she has ruined it because she couldn’t keep her legs closed. Her loss anyway!
    The next step will be to send her out of my house

    AMARACHI: please give her some more time!

    EBUKA: if you say so. You are very kindhearted, Amara and that’s another thing that gets me falling in love with a woman. And if she has legs like yours? I just give her my mumu button. Now you know who has my mumu button! ??

    AMARACHI:????

    EBUKA: anyway, send me your account number so that I can transfer the money before I leave. I’m going to see my solicitor

    AMARACHI: yeeeee! I’ll go inside and send it now! Thanks baby! (Runs back into the house)

    EBUKA: you are welcome mama!? (gets into the car and left)

    NKECHI: what is it! Why are you excited this Saturday morning!

    AMARACHI: NK! Guess what!

    NKECHI: what!

    AMARACHI: your brother has asked me to stay!???? (starts texting Ebuka her account details)

    NKECHI: that’s my girl!!!! ??????? so who are you texting?

    AMARACHI: I am texting my mum to tell her, because she is expecting me home tomorrow!

    NKECHI: (singing) what a wonderful world….?? Yoruba female demon is about to lose her strongholds in this family!
    The God I serve and pray to daily, neither sleeps nor slumbers! Chineke imeela o! (Thank you, God)
    This is worth celebrating. Let me rush down to that mini market down the road and get some items for ofe nsala(white soup)

    AMARACHI: alright, sister in law??????

    NKECHI: if you like, I go call you auntie sef! Girl, I’m so grateful to you! You don’t know what you have done for me!

    (Nkechi left for the market and Funmi came to the living room where Amara was seated, having coffee)

    FUNMI: morning, Amara

    AMARACHI: morning, dear. Hope you were able to get some sleep last night.

    FUNMI: I did, but I had this nightmare about my mum and since morning I’ve been trying to reach her to no avail.

    AMARACHI: didn’t you tell me she attends SDA. So she must be in church.

    FUNMI: I thought so too, But I’m worried

    AMARACHI: have you prayed for her?

    FUNMI: Yes.

    AMARACHI: then quit worrying! When you pray and still worry, you are casting a vote of no confidence in God!

    FUNMI: thanks dear. I worry no more. I saw you talking to my husband this morning. What was he saying?

    AMARACHI: you know I was trying to convince him to sort thing out with you. He seems really hurt but you can still feel that he still loves you. I’m sure with time, he’ll come around.

    FUNMI: I’m just worried about what would happen if he sends me out of this house.

    AMARACHI: don’t worry, we will figure out something. Go get yourself a cup of tea. Ebuka is not worth all these headaches and heartaches..

    EPISODE 14

    FUNMI: ?????) hello?

    ADAKU: hi, how are you!

    FUNMI: I’m worried. I’ve been ringing my mum since morning and she is not taking her calls. Please have you see any of them today and did my dad come home for the weekend?

    ADAKU: don’t worry, everything is fine. Your mum was a bit unwell this morning, but she is stable now

    FUNMI: oh my Lord! Was it this dream I had! What happened to her? Where is she? Please give her the phone I want to speak with her??

    ADAKU: calm down my dear. Your mum is fine. we are both at the hospital now and I can assure you that it is no longer life threatening and she is getting the best care possible in my brother’s hospital

    FUNMI: Jesus! I’m coming to Lagos straight away!

    ADAKU: there’s no need for the rush. If you wanna see her, take your time and maybe come tomorrow. There is really no need for you to come now. I am here and I will make sure she is alright, to the best of my ability

    FUNMI: (starts crying??) please can I talk to her?

    ADAKU: oh yes you can! But don’t just make it lengthy as she has been advised to get enough rest, okay?
    Right I’ll pass the phone to her.
    Madam Bola, Funmi is on the phone for you

    MADAM BOLA: (starts crying???)

    FUNMI: mummy, why are you crying!! Are you in pain?

    MADAM BOLA: I am in emotional pain. Funmi, the way I have treated this lady. I am so ashamed of myself.
    I can’t face her.
    Never in my life would I believe that an Igbo person could be so nice! 3 times I was rejected by hospitals owned by yorubas.
    And here in a hospital owned by an Igbo person, I am being giving VIP treatment….

    ADAKU (takes the phone from her) this is not the time for all these, ma. We must stick to the doctor’s advice. Hello, Funmi, please just let her rest now, okay?

    FUNMI: Adaku, so my mum has been wicked to you and you never mentioned it to me????

    ADAKU: of what use would it be? If I had told you, you would have gone to tell her off, she would get angry and both of you will fall out, creating more and more hatred in the world.

    The world already has enough people hating and not talking to each other. We don’t need anymore of that.

    FUNMI: I can’t believe this! How can you be this kind to a woman who has treated you so badly! And she is not even from your tribe!

    ADAKU: that is because, we are from the same human race. Before being Igbo, I am human first and that is one thing we have in common.

    FUNMI: I just can’t reconcile you with this sister in law of mine! Two totally different people from the same tribe! How can I!?‍

    ADAKU: because whatever a person is, has nothing to do with their tribe, race or gender. It has everything to do with who they are and how they have decided to treat other people.

    FUNMI: I wish the whole world know this! Thank you so much! I’ll speak to my husband now and hopefully, I’ll be in Lagos tomorrow.

    (Funmi dropped the call and went to the sitting room where her husband was filling out some forms)

    FUNMI: Ebuka, my mum is hospitalised and I need some money to go see her tomorrow ?

    EBUKA: I’m sure you know who to ask (concentrating on the forms he was filling)

    FUNMI: Ebuka, I am not going to use the money on myself, it is for my mum!

    EBUKA: interesting! How sure am I that you are not going to Ghana to continue your escapades with your manager?

    FUNMI: stop it Ebuka! Stop acc…

    EBUKA: (at the top of his voice) stop what!!! You effing cheating bastard! Are you not even ashamed of yourself?
    Look at you! Just look at the state of you! You disgust me!
    You know what? I will not give you the honour of making me angry! (Grabs his car keys and left)

    FUNMI: (starts crying)

    NKECHI: (taps her on the shoulder) madam! Madam! Please go upstairs yeah? It’s a very hot Saturday afternoon. You are disturbing the peace! Biko!

    (Funmi went upstairs and continued crying and Nkechi went to meet her boyfriend who was waiting to pick her up at the gate. Amara then went upstairs to funmi)

    AMARACHI: what’s the matter? Why are you crying?

    FUNMI: I’ve just discovered that my mum is very Ill in the hospital, and Ebuka wouldn’t give me any money to go and see her?
    I am not asking him for millions I just want ten thousand naira to supplement the one i have on me?

    AMARACHI: it’s okay. Stop crying, I’ll transfer some money into your account

    FUNMI: but you are only a student, how are going to raise the money?

    AMARACHI: I know you feel I am wretched, but I am actually from a wealthy home. So I’ll transfer fifty thousand naira to your account now. Okay? So get ready and get going.

    Send my love to your mum and if you need anything, you have my number. Just text me okay?

    FUNMI: I just don’t know what I would have done without you! (Hugs her)

    AMARACHI: please don’t make me cry! Get ready okay?

    (Funmi got ready and left for the airport and Amara started calling a real estate agent)

    AMARACHI (????) hello…..
    Sorry, the line went off earlier. So what I need is a 2 bedroom apartment close to Wuse2. I need it well finished and I want it for at least 6 months.

    AGENT: madam, it’s very hard to find a landlord that will be willing to agree to that. The minimum you can pay is one year

    AMARACHI: okay! how much would that cost?

    AGENT: 1.2 million

    AMARACHI: listen, I don’t want any endless negotiation. I’ll pay 1 million and please this is urgent!

    AGENT: just because I really want to work for you. You need to pay twenty percent deposit before we start.

    AMARACHI: send me your account, I’ll transfer it immediately. I’ll be waiting .thanks. bye!

    (When she dropped the call, Ebuka started ringing her)

    AMARACHI (????) hey, babe!

    EBUKA: who were you on the phone with?

    AMARACHI: my mum. She was asking when I’m coming back

    EBUKA: my in law! Tell her we will be coming together to see her.
    Is that cheat out of the house yet?

    AMARACHI: yes, she left about an hour ago

    EBUKA: bingo! Get ready, I’m coming to pick you up. Let’s do some weekend shopping and dinner afterwards!

    (Amara looked her best as she walked hand in hand with Ebuka in the mall. People kept admiring her as she picked everything she needed and they finally made their way to one of the most expensive Chinese restaurant in town)

    EBUKA: so what would you like to have, your royal hotness?

    AMARACHI: (perusing the menu) erm, noodles, chicken balls, shrimp fried rice with a bit of sweet and sour sauce and some ribs.

    EBUKA: and what drink would you like?

    AMARACHI: Moet

    (Ebuka placed the their order and when it arrived, the lovebirds spoke about their future plans as a couple)

    EBUKA: so what kind of wedding would you like?

    AMARACHI: elaborate! Like so elaborate!

    EBUKA: ticked! Where would you like to have your honeymoon?

    AMARACHI: Singapore

    EBUKA: ticked. First car?

    AMARACHI: BMW

    EBUKA: ticked, with a question mark

    AMARACHI: why?

    EBUKA: only if you give me a daughter as my first child

    AMARACHI: ?????

    EPISODE 15

    BAR. VITALIS: so, I invited you so I can have a good understanding of the issue before I am able to give you any legal advice.

    So the Chinese man is a friend of yours?

    EBUKA: yes. I met him in China when I did a programme there.

    BAR VITALIS: so what exactly are you trying to do with him.

    EBUKA: so here is the story. As you know, I am a director in my company and I feel like we need the entire building of our Abuja office renovated, and a conduit wiring done instead of the surface wiring we currently have.

    Now, most of my fellow directors are cool with it. Only one difficult woman isn’t so happy with it.
    I just wanted to know what the law is in that area.

    BAR VITALIS: does your company have it’s own constitution?

    EBUKA: no. We use the Company’s Act.

    BAR VITALIS: would this contract benefit you in any way?

    EBUKA: ermm, well, because I giving the guy the contract, he promised to give me some cash if he is given the contract

    BAR VITALIS: Hmmm! Be careful there.

    EBUKA: how do you mean?

    BAR VITALIS: well, under s.175(1) of the Company’s Act which forms the constitution of your company, you have a duty to avoid conflict of interest with your company.

    EBUKA: what does that mean?

    BAR VITALIS: in a layman’s term, you must avoid any situation which you have or can have a direct or indirect interest that conflicts or possibly may conflict with the interest of the company.

    EBUKA: but this contract will promote the success of the company, which is also my duty as a director.

    BAR VITALIS: If you must enter into this contract, then you have a duty under s.177 to make a full declaration of the nature and extent of your interest to other directors.

    EBUKA: nah! I don’t want to tell them. That silly woman will kick against it. She hates me!
    What if i decide to go ahead and give him the contract without declaring my interest in it?

    BAR VITALIS: well, the consequence is that you will be required to account for all profits from the contract, You may also be required to pay the company an equitable compensation.
    Another consequence is the recession of the contract

    EBUKA: all these will happen if they find out, right?

    BAR VITALIS: and that is much much easier than you think. Walls have ears…

    EBUKA: so what’s your advice?

    BAR VITALIS: If you must enter into that contract, be sure to declare your interest to your fellow directors

    EBUKA: I’m not doing that.

    BAR VITALIS: Mr Okoye, my duty as your lawyer is to advise you. At the end of the day, the decision is yours to make. But I have given you my candid advice.

    EBUKA: thanks, Barrister. I’ll be on my way now.

    BAR VITALIS: alright. Bye.

    (Ebuka got into his car and discovered that Amara had rang him severally, so he decided to give her a call)

    EBUKA:(???) hey babe. Sorry I was at my lawyer’s office. You okay?

    AMARACHI: no.

    EBUKA: what’s the problem?

    AMARACHI: I’m alone and lonely in the house!

    EBUKA: where is Nkechi?

    AMARACHI: she went out with her boyfriend

    EBUKA: Is that little dirty cheat home yet?

    AMARACHI: no

    EBUKA: good for her. As soon as she comes back, I’ll ask her to leave my house. So what would you like to do.

    AMARACHI: I want you to take me out

    EBUKA: but babe, I finish work at 6pm!

    AMARACHI: that’s the perfect time to go on a date ?

    EBUKA: phew! Okay! I’ll see what I can do. I’m driving back to the office

    AMARACHI: do we have a deal?

    EBUKA: be sure to wear something steaming hot. Bye. I’m on the wheel

    (When Amara dropped the phone, she decided to give Funmi a call)

    AMARACHI:(???) hello, dear

    FUNMI: hi, Amara. I called you earlier on and your phone was engaged.

    AMARACHI: sorry I was on the phone with my boyfriend. So how’s your mum? Is she okay now?

    FUNMI: my dear! Our tenant took her to her brother’s hospital where they properly looked after her.
    The best part? They did not charge me a kobo! We are back home now and my mum is even cooking me amala!

    AMARACHI: awwww! How kind! At least you will not be crying like a little girl anymore. Mummy’s girl!

    FUNMI: hahaha! When I come back, I’ll give you back the money you gave me, as I didn’t use it again

    AMARACHI: come on now! Why would you! Use it to get yourself some things in Lagos. Seriously, keep it

    FUNMI: awww! You are so kind! Do you know that Ebuka hasn’t called me since I left. I’m really so heart broken. If anyone told me that my own Ebuka would treat me like this, I would not believe it!

    AMARACHI: it’s really sad. He has been miserable himself. Doesn’t talk to anyone or eat at home. Sometimes he comes back with takeaway, eats and jumps on his Xbox

    FUNMI: is he still drinking?

    AMARACHI: no, I think his elder brother told him off about it.

    FUNMI: okay. Amara, i want to ask you a question and I don’t want you to be angry with me.

    AMARACHI: okay…

    FUNMI: please don’t be offended. Has my husband ever asked you out, or make any advances?

    AMARACHI: no. Why?

    FUNMI: I’m so sorry, Amara. I’m just so paranoid and wondering why Ebuka has lost every feeling he had for me.
    I just want to know if he found love somewhere else. I’m sorry I asked you (starts crying)

    AMARACHI: come on! You don’t need to cry. I am a woman like you so i understand your insecurities. But to be honest, is he really worth your tears?
    Listen, never cry over a man. Cry over the last piece of chicken in the oven, cry over not getting your eyebrows right, but never for a man.

    You have a whole lot of life in front of you. So if he leaves, so be it! When are you coming back?

    FUNMI: thanks dear and I’m sorry for asking you. I’ll come back this evening, as I will be going back to work tomorrow.

    AMARACHI: alright then. If you get home and I am not here, there’s some spaghetti in the fridge.

    FUNMI: ughhh! I would like to meet you at home. Where are you going?

    AMARACHI: I’m getting dressed to go see a friend of mine. But I should be home before 10pm

    FUNMI: alright then. See you soon and thank you so much!

    (Amara dropped the phone and immediately, the real estate agent started ringing her)

    AMARACHI: (???) hello?

    AGENT: Good morning, madam, I found this new property. Very very lovely house .

    AMARACHI: where?

    AGENT: It’s in Gwagwalada, ma

    AMARACHI: I specifically told you I want the house in Wuse2! That was for a reason! Stop calling me up and telling me about properties in other places! Wuse2 or you refund the deposit I paid!
    Listen, I need that house latest by the end of this week. If you can’t do it, please let me know. I have other agents that are willing to do it!

    AGENT: I will try my best, ma.

    AMARACHI: thanks! Bye!

    (At exactly 6pm, Ebuka texted Amara that he was waiting for her at the gate, so she met him there and they drove off to yet another expensive dinner date.
    Their orders arrived, and Ebuka started eating but at some point, he noticed that Amara had barely touched her own meal..)

    EBUKA: what’s the matter? Why are you not eating?

    AMARACHI: I’m eating…

    EBUKA: this was supposed to be your date! You asked for it.
    Are you sure your mind is even here!
    I requested you wear something a little revealing, but you wore this maxi trouser instead! Now you are not eating your food!
    Why did you ask for a date if you didn’t want one!

    AMARACHI: I’m just thinking about a lot of things

    EBUKA: such as?

    AMARACHI: life, love, loss…in fact, I have been thinking about life in general

    EBUKA: you should have stayed home and gave life a good thought instead of coming out here with me and acting as it I am irrelevant.
    That’s plain rude!

    AMARACHI: I’m sorry but it’s just that I am in dire need of money. I’m just thinking of how to raise the money for my shoe business

    EBUKA: how much are you looking at raising?

    AMARACHI: 3.5 million, for a start.
    Once we get married, I don’t want to be disturbing you about money. I want to be able to contribute to our home.
    I’ve always told myself that my husband can always trust me to hold the family when he is unable to do so.
    But if we get married now, I can’t do that.

    EBUKA: I understand. No man actually wants a liability for a wife. We all want a woman who can indeed be a helper in all aspects.
    I will look into it later tonight but for now, I need those charming smiles and happy face back. They keep me sane! Biko

    AMARACHI: (smiles faintly) thank you, love.

    EPISODE 16

    WENG: wow! It’s great to meet you after a long time of Facebook friendship

    PETRA: I know, right! Nice to meet you too!

    WENG: I must say you look more beautiful in person than you look in pictures.

    PETRA: really? Thank you

    WENG: so why did it take you so long to agree to meet up with me. Were you scared I was going to kill and eat you?

    PETRA: not really. I’m a very busy person; I barely have time to go out

    WENG: okay. I’m asking because some people believe that Chinese people eat human beings. I don’t know how true that is, but my family don’t, and I don’t know anyone who does.

    PETRA: so how do you find the country?

    WENG: good good! Nigeria is a great country and has the potential to be one of the greatest in the world. But sad to say that your leaders are your greatest obstacle

    PETRA: I agree with you.

    WENG: so, here is the menu. Have a look and see if anything interests you. Otherwise you take me to your house and make us jollof rice

    PETRA: heheheh (starts perusing the menu) so what brought you to the country?

    WENG: erm, I got a contract to renovate one of the biggest companies here in Abuja

    PETRA: wow! Which company is that?

    WENG: SEA-TRUE and sons limited. It is a shipping company and one of the biggest in town.

    PETRA: oh wow! So how did you get the contract?

    WENG: a friend of mine called Ebuka gave me the contract. I met him five years ago when he came to do a programme in China.

    PETRA: Sorry, I need to quickly text my niece to remind her to go for her dancing class. Is that okay?

    WENG: yes sure!

    PETRA: (brought out her phone and pretended to be texting her nephew, but put the phone on recording instead)
    sorry. I’m done now . Your friend must be very kind! You said his name is Ebuka. Is he one of the directors of SEA-TRUE?

    WENG: yes he is. Not like he did it for free. You Nigerians can never do anything with or for anybody if it doesn’t benefit you in any way.

    PETRA: are you saying, he is getting paid for giving you the contract?

    WENG: fifteen million out of the money is his!

    PETRA: wonderful! He is going to be fifteen million naira wealthier!

    WENG: yes, he is planning on taking a new wife and he’ll be needing the money

    PETRA: interesting!….

    *************************************************

    EBUKA: Nkechinyere! Open the door, I’d like to talk to you.

    NKECHI: the door is not locked. Open it and come in.

    EBUKA: good morning ladies. Nkechi, I want to have a word with you.

    NKECHI: Good morning , dede. Sit down

    AMARACHI: good morning, Ebuka. I’ll excuse you guys

    EBUKA: no no! Sit back. I consider you a part of us now

    AMARACHI: thank you.

    EBUKA: I have finally made up my mind to divorce Funmi. But because we’ve not been married for long enough to get a divorce, i can’t do so now.
    But I can’t have her here either. Every time I set my eyes on her, I want to strangle her!

    NKECHI:(sits up) hian!? please don’t. She is not worth it. I will personally help you throw her out of the house like right now!

    AMARACHI: May I ask exactly what she did?

    NKECHI: meaning? He just told you he cannot stand her!

    EBUKA: Funmi was cheating on me with her manager! Sleeping with him even in the office!

    NKECHI: chineke meeeeee??????‍?‍?‍ heeeee! Jesus Christ! I can’t believe this humble lion can ever do a thing like that!
    And when she comes back here, she prays and speaks in tongues more than apostle Paul!

    Dede, you knew of this and you still kept her here?? Oh my God! Do you want her to infect you with STIs???

    EBUKA: I’ve been tested and luckily, I don’t have any STIs and I and Funmi stopped being intimate since I learnt of it.

    AMARACHI: mind if I ask how you knew about the cheating?

    EBUKA: her friend Calista told me. She even sent me a recorded message where she admitted it. I’ll forward it to both of you after now. So I have my evidence. I have asked her severally and all that little lying cheat would say is “I didn’t cheat”

    NKECHI: it’s in their blood! Yoruba women can never be faithful! Dede, that was why every single one of us was against this marriage.

    But you thought we just didn’t like her for no reason! Tribal marriage was not God’s original purpose for mankind! I don’t understand why a person would go into a different land to take a wife!

    She can betray you in front of you because you don’t understand her damn language! That alone is enough to stop people from this stupid practice of marrying outside your own tribe !

    AMARACHI: sorry I’m asking a lot of questions. Can I ask this final one please?

    NKECHI:????

    EBUKA: feel free.

    AMARACHI: when did this cheating happen. Now or before you got married?

    EBUKA: right now, that doesn’t even matter to me. I can’t get over the fact that another man has touched her. I am totally switched off as far as Funmi is concerned.
    I’m going upstairs now to tell her she must leave the house latest tomorrow.
    I’ll leave you now, ladies. ?‍?‍?‍

    NKECHI:??????? hi five     e don happen! I told you!
    Girl, start planning your wedding! My brother is big so withhold nothing!
    Go all the way out!!!

    I can’t wait to tell brother Chinwendu! ???? I’m so drinking tonight!!

    AMARACHI: wow! You have so much influence on your brothers. My brother never let’s me say anything about his wife. He protects her like what!

    NKECHI: she probably did some juju on your brother. My dear go on your knees! Prayer works!
    Prayer plus action will always yeild results.
    I pray and I act! Thank you Jesus!

    AMARACHI: I hope your boyfriend doesn’t have a sister like you.

    NKECHI: nah! He is an only child

    AMARACHI: fantastic! Because I know you wouldn’t wish yourself a sister in law like you.

    NKECHI: how do you mean??

    AMARACHI: just kidding. I can’t wait to meet your mum and brother Chinwendu. Wedding plans in a bit baby!????

    (Ebuka went to their bedroom and found Funmi in bed still asleep)

    EBUKA: (gentle taps her on the shoulder) Funmi! Funmi!

    FUNMI (incoherently)I don’t know how my husband got to know about it.

    EBUKA: that shouldn’t bother you okay? It doesn’t matter anymore. Wake up, I want to have a word with you!

    FUNMI (cleans her eyes to enable her see clearly) oh! Good morning, darling

    EBUKA: I’m sure you were with your boss in your dreams because you were just telling him you don’t know how I got to know about your adultery with him.
    So are you not going to work today?

    FUNMI: no, I called off work because I don’t feel very well.

    EBUKA: you probably are pregnant for him or you had a rough one over the weekend. It must be one of the two.

    FUNMI: Ebuka enough of the insults! I really have had enough. You woke me up this morning to insult me! Seriously, it’s enough!

    EBUKA: exactly, why I am here. It is indeed enough! I need you to leave my house latest tomorrow evening. Failure to do so, I’ll take it upon myself to ensure you regret your entire life.

    The simple instruction is, leave my house by or before tomorrow evening. If you need that in writing, I am quite happy to do so. If you need it in your native language, tell your father to do that for you!

    Good morning!

    EPISODE 17

    NKECHI: If you need help taking your luggage to the van, let me know o! I’m nice like that?

    FUNMI: you need more help than I do.

    NKECHI: whatever! As long as you disappear and never show your face in this house ever again.

    FUNMI: shebi you are a woman? It will all come back to you. Mark my words. Amara! Amara!

    AMARACHI: yes, Funmi.

    FUNMI: my van is here. I’m sure they must have told you, but I’m leaving this house for good. Just thought I should tell you. Bye.

    AMARACHI: but you shouldn’t have cheated on your husband. I’m sorry but you caused all these

    FUNMI: God in heaven knows I didn’t cheat and he alone is my witness. (Gets into the Van and leaves)

    NKECHI: yeeeeeeeee! Storm is over, storm is over now….?????

    AMARACHI: your brother has been sad since all these started. We need to find a way to make him happy tonight. We just have to. What do you think we should do?

    NKECHI: sleep with him in his room. Hahahaha! But honestly that would make him happy. He was indirectly telling us he is sex starved yesterday, when he said he hasn’t had sex with the idiot since he learnt of the adultery???

    AMARACHI: don’t be silly! What do you take me for? What’s your brother’s favourite meal?

    NKECHI: vegetable soup. Especially water leaf.

    AMARACHI: alright! I’ll go to that junction market and get the ingredients, so we can cook for him

    NKECHI: awwww! A good wife right there!

    (Amarachi quickly left the house and as she shut the gate behind her, she started ringing Funmi)

    FUNMI: (amidst tears)?????? Hello, Amara

    AMARACHI: where are you?

    FUNMI: I’m on my way to Calista’s house. She promised to shelter me until I am able to find a place.

    AMARACHI: no! Please stop the van and tell me exactly where you are. I’ll meet you there. Please

    FUNMI: we are just opposite the filling station after the junction.

    AMARACHI: don’t move an inch. I’ll be there in literally three minutes…bye!

    (Amara met up with them, and joined them in the van)

    AMARACHI: Funmi, please stop crying. You have cried enough. Driver, take us to Wuse2

    FUNMI: but my friend is very happy to have me stay in her house. Why bother?

    AMARACHI: Funmi, you have no friend in her. Please forget her!

    FUNMI: she is the only friend I have. Where in Wuse are we going to? Honestly, I wouldn’t want you spending your money on me. You are still unemployed dear please. You have already done enough for me.

    AMARACHI: I hope you understood that I didn’t mean what I said in front of Nkechi?

    FUNMI: initially, I didn’t understand but when you communicated with yours eyes, I got it

    AMARACHI: I’m sure you didn’t eat so when we get to the house, we just leave everything and go out to eat.

    FUNMI: which house though?

    AMARACHI: you will find out.

    (They got to a newly built and fully furnished two bedroom apartment, and Amara asked the van driver to stop. They got off and offloaded..)??

    FUNMI: hmmm! Amara, whose house is this?

    AMARACHI: here (hands her a key??) for now, this is your home. Treat it as yours, no one will ask you for rent or anything. So make yourself comfortable

    FUNMI: is this some joke? But whose house is it?

    AMARACHI: it is my brother’s house..

    FUNMI: where is he then?

    AMARACHI: he lives in London with his family. We had tenants in it but I recently asked them to move because I wanted to use the house.

    FUNMI: Amara! I can’t believe this. And you know the funny thing? From here to where I work is literally seven minutes walk!

    AMARACHI: that was why I wanted it specifically in Wuse2. That was why I asked where you work the other day.

    FUNMI: I don’t understand. I thought you said it is your brother’s house. How come you wanted it specifically in Wuse2. Tell me the truth, did you rent this house?

    AMARACHI: I didn’t. When you told me where you work, I remembered that is where my brother’s house is. Come on! Let’s go eat something

    FUNMI (looking around in amazement) but this is a new building!

    AMARACHI: ermmm, fairly new, but it’s just been renovated that’s why it looks new

    FUNMI: Amara, I can’t believe my eyes. You and Calista are my angels on earth. What would I have done without you! God knew Ebuka was going to become a monster and he sent you my way. I’m so grateful (Hugs her really tight)

    AMARACHI: come on! It’s okay. I’m famished!

    ( Amara and Funmi went to a nearby restaurant, ordered plenty of jollof rice, fried meat and drinks and began to eat??????????)

    FUNMI: I still can’t believe what Ebuka is doing to me. It’s really sad; I loved him with all my heart

    AMARACHI: I understand but life is not always fair. But I want to let you know that your destiny is not tied to any man or woman as a matter of fact. You are enough on your own.

    It hurts when the one you love suddenly hates you, but that’s not the end of the world.
    You must not cry your heart out, quit your job, start neglecting yourself and become depressed because a man left you.

    You have a good job, thank God. You must continue grinding. Whatever dreams you have, you must keep at it. Nobody else matters in this life more than you do.

    Listen, there is no shame in walking out of a place where you are no longer wanted. So when you walk on the street, keep your head up.

    If Ebuka comes around and you want him back, fine! If he doesn’t, be open to love.
    I do not believe that there is only one man out there for a woman. So push aside that idea of when you lose your destined man, that’s it for you.
    Every woman has more than hundred men who are capable of treating her right. So if one starts feeling like the best thing after sliced bread, chuck him out and move to the other. This is just what I wanted to tell you.

    FUNMI: your words are so healing and encouraging. I wish you didn’t stop. Why are you so strong? There is this spirit in you that is just… I don’t know but I can’t describe it. How do you do it?

    AMARACHI: I have been broken several times. My many heart breaks made me strong, and I am determined to support any woman who is going through what I’ve been through in any way possible.
    No, I won’t tell you to kill your husband or anything like that, I only encourage women to rise above the things they go through. Because, no better revenge than becoming successful.

    And I know you work, but you need streams of income. If you are interested, I’m about starting a shoe business, we can do it together.

    FUNMI: wow! Please I’m interested. Can I ask you a question?

    AMARACHI: sure!

    FUNMI: do you work?

    AMARACHI: not yet. I’m still looking for a job. But I do business here and there trying to save up money for my shoe business

    FUNMI: there is currently an available position in my company. Would you like to apply for it?

    AMARACHI: yes please!

    FUNMI: send me your CV via email and I’ll do the rest

    AMARACHI: thanks so much! I’m grateful. I’m going to be on my way now. They must be expecting me. But I’ll be coming here to spend time with you every often until I move in finally….when my job is done

    FUNMI: Amara, I can’t thank you enough! I really can’t. God bless you. Eshe!

    AMARACHI: hope you know your way back to the house?

    FUNMI: yes. It’s just round the corner.

    AMARACHI: bye hun. See ya!

    (Amara rushed back home and deliberately did not buy any food items for the proposed vegetable soup)

    EBUKA: where have you been? I’ve called you a million and one times!

    AMARACHI: just begin to thank God. In fact, you guys must testify to the goodness of God on Sunday. Your family is blessed

    NKECHI: what happened?

    AMARACHI: hmmm! I fainted in the market. For four hours , doctors at the general hospital were trying to resuscitate me. Hmmm

    EBUKA: what?

    AMARACHI: my parents would have accused you of using me for rituals o! Kenekwanu chi unu (better thank your God)

    NKECHI: Jesus Christ! It’s that Yoruba witch! She knows You 8will replace her. She has started her juju but power pass power! She will be the one that will die.
    Very diabolical set of people!

    AMARACHI: I thought as much my dear. It must be her.

    EBUKA: so who paid the hospital bill?

    AMARACHI: One woman paid everything and even bought me food

    Ebuka: wow! Thank you Jesus

    AMARACHI: amen o!!!

    EPISODE 18

    EBUKA: (knocks knocks) morning ladies, can I come in, please?

    NKECHI: (opens the door) come in, dede. Good morning

    AMARACHI: morning, Ebuka.

    EBUKA: morning, beautiful. How do you feel now?

    AMARACHI: just a little giddy, but I’ll be fine.

    EBUKA: are you sure you don’t want me to drive you to the hospital before going to work?

    AMARACHI: nah, there’s no need for that. Guess I was stressed but didn’t know it.

    EBUKA: then you must rest. Actually, I’ll be going to France next week, you can come with me if you like

    AMARACHI: awwww! I wouldn’t mind. I haven’t been to France before.

    Ebuka: dust your passport then

    NKECHI: how about me?

    EBUKA: talk to your boyfriend about it

    NKECHI: hehehehe! Someone is in love!

    EBUKA: guilty as charged. Anyways, ladies I’m here to talk to you guys again.
    Amara, if you ask Nkechi or anyone who knows me, they will tell you that I am a very straight forward guy.
    I don’t take more than twenty four hours to make a decision.
    When I find something I like, I don’t hesitate to pin it down and make it mine

    I’ve always loved family. The feeling of sharing your entire life with that one person who completes you, is awesome.
    That was why I got married at 32. Unfortunately, it was the shortest marriage ever known to man.

    I take the blame. I should have listened to my mum and brother…

    NKECHI: (interrupts) and Nkechi

    EBUKA: yes ma. Margaret Thatcher

    THE GIRLS: hahahahahaha!!!!

    EBUKA: so Amara, this is not going to be the most glamourous proposal because i haven’t even got any ring with me.
    But again, I am a bit of a rebel. I don’t always play by the rules. I find beautiful ways of breaking man made rules…

    I just wanted to obtain your permission to go see your people over the weekend, before we go to France together.
    At least they need to know who their daughter is going out with.
    Do I have that permission?

    AMARACHI: awwww! Of course you do! But I need to call my parents and find out if the date is okay by them

    EBUKA: wicked! Do so and let me know their response, please

    NKECHI: (starts dancing the traditional Igbo dance)??? you guys are going to be the cutest couple in town!

    EBUKA: I know. I’m very handsome ain’t I?
    Not that your short bread boyfriend

    NKECHI: hmmm! Leave my man alone!

    EBUKA: I hold am? Alright ladies, I’ll be going to work now. There’s an emergency board meeting I need to attend.
    Nkechi, look after my baby. Amara, ensure you get enough rest. I don’t want you to be ill again.

    AMARACHI: I won’t be. Look after yourself at work.

    (Ebuka left and Nkechi threw herself on the bed in excitement???)

    NKECHI: girl! This is the first day of the best days of your life! You are going to France next week!

    AMARACHI: na that one dey fear me o! Wetin I get na expired passport

    NKECHI: no worries, I’ll give it to my boyfriend. His best friend works with Immigration. He’ll get you a passport before weekend

    AMARACHI: this is why I love you! You have a solution to every problem.

    NKECHI: what are friends for! So do you know what wedding gown you would like?
    Princess or mermaid?

    AMARACHI: I haven’t decided yet

    NKECHI: you better start deciding now. Ebuka will take you unawares. That’s who he is.
    He might call you up tomorrow and tell you that the wedding is next week.
    Better stop acting like you have time, because you actually don’t.

    AMARACHI: I have you, so i have no worries

    NKECHI: yes, you do but I won’t choose your dress for you.

    AMARACHI: wow! I can’t believe this is happening. It all started like a joke. Look where we are now!
    So what are we eating today?

    NKECHI: you tell me. This is your soon to be husband’s house.

    AMARACHI: alright, I’ll go to the market and get a whole goat, get the butchers to cut it into pieces for me so we can make goat meat peppersoup and rice for dinner.

    NKECHI: Ebuka will definitely enjoy his life henceforth.
    That Yoruba woman was always cooking him all those nasty amala and even though he didn’t like it, he would pretend.
    Such a lovely brother of mine!

    God has seen that he deserves to be treated how he treats other people.

    AMARACHI: yes, he will indeed be treated the way he treats people…
    I’m happy to be honoured with that responsibility

    NKECHI: you are a lucky woman, girl!

    (Amara left the house pretending to have gone to the market, but went to Wuse2. She knocked on the door and Funmi who was off work opened the door for her)

    FUNMI: hello, my sister!

    AMARACHI: hello! Wow! the house is sparkling! You’ve been busy, I can tell.

    FUNMI: come in! My friend came around to see me

    AMARACHI: wow! That’s nice

    (Funmi and Amara got into the dinning area where Calista was seated with a glass of cranberry juice funmi had offered her)

    FUNMI: Cals, meet my sister from another mother! Amara, meet Calista!

    CALISTA: awwww! Are you the Amara I’ve heard a lot about?

    AMARACHI: yes. I’ve heard a lot about you too! Funmi told me what a wonderful And supportive friend you’ve been to her.

    CALISTA: awww. I do like to support my fellow women as much as I can.
    The world is so unfair to us, so we must stick together and become each other’s support system.

    AMARACHI: I see. Anyway, nice to meet you.

    CALISTA: nice to meet you too.

    FUNMI: so what drink would you like. Food is not ready yet.

    AMARACHI: I’m not hungry yet. I know what I’m about to say is strange and totally off the topic, but there’s something that has been going through my head. Should i tell you guys?

    CALISTA: sure! Why not

    AMARACHI: have you guys ever wondered what you would do, if you were Jesus and knew that Judas had betrayed you and still sitting on the same dinning table with you. Okay! Let me simplify it.
    If you were in Jesus’ shoes, what would you do?

    CALISTA: I’ll just pour a hot meal on him.

    FUNMI: ermm! I haven’t actually thought of it. Amara, you are so weird. I don’t know…I’ll probably send him out or something

    AMARACHI: Calista, you said you like supporting women right?

    CALISTA: yes. It gives me Pleasure!

    AMARACHI: awwww! That makes both of us! We have have that in common. I like supporting women and I will like to support you in my own little way right now.

    CALISTA: awwww

    AMARACHI: why don’t we start like this..(slaps her really hard across the face) you two faced disgrace to womanhood!???

    FUNMI: oh my God! Amara, what are you doing! Stop it! Are you drunk or what??

    CALISTA: (holding her face) Funmi you should have told me that your friend is mad so I know how to defend myself!

    AMARACHI: this the human snake that told your husband that you are cheating on him. She even went ahead to send him the conversation between you guys where you admitted to sleeping with Osai.
    This is the devil behind your marital problems!

    FUNMI (quiet but obviously in shock) am I dreaming?…Calista? …Please tell me it’s not true….tell me you didn’t stab me at my back…tell me it’s the wrong Calista, please… Look at me Calista, look me in the eye. Did you do it?…did you?? Why? Did I wrong you in any way?… (breaks down in tears)

    EPISODE 19

    NKECHI: dede, have you noticed that Amara hasn’t been her normal self since yesterday?

    EBUKA: yeah. Your friend looks like someone who worries a lot. That is something you need to tell her to work on.
    I like my woman happy; a woman I can have a good laugh with, not one who is constantly moody and worried.
    I’ve texted her a couple of times to come upstairs and talk to me, but she said no.

    NKECHI: I’ve known her too long, and believe me, she is a very bubbly lady. Something must be bothering her. Please see if you can talk to her. Bikonu

    EBUKA: we are not even married yet and I am already expected to pet and pamper her. You really love this woman because you were never this nice to Funmi.

    NKECHI: because she is useless! Please she is not one to remember before breakfast. Dede, try to talk to Amara, please! Im going back to my room. My tummy aches.

    (Ebuka went down stairs where Amara was seated on the sofa alone in her night gown, held her hands and persuaded her to go upstairs with him, reluctantly, she followed him)

    EBUKA: sit on the bed

    AMARACHI: I don’t feel like sitting down

    EBUKA: now let’s get serious! I’m not going to rape you, am I! If I want sex from you, I will ask blatantly. I’m sure you know this! Come on! Tell me your fears

    AMARACHI: I have none

    EBUKA: your face says otherwise. Come on! Talk to me

    AMARACHI: (starts crying)???

    EBUKA: oh no! What’s the matter. Are you worried about how people would view You marrying a divorcee?

    AMARACHI: no. I’m just worried that we are getting married soon and I do not have any business of my own.
    I really want to start my shoe business and I only need half a million naira to complete the money.

    EBUKA: awww! Your desires are good. It shows you are not selfish and you desire to be a great helper.
    If it’s just half a million, then ill transfer it to you as soon as I get to the office this morning. It’s nothing to be all gloomy about, alright?

    AMARACHI: God bless you so much! You are such a blessing to my life! Now, I can’t wait to get married! It’s been the only hitch so far.

    EBUKA: you are welcome, beautiful. Now that we are on it, I might as well tell you this. I am frightened. So so frightened…I am only trying to put myself together because I didn’t want you and Nkechi to be worried

    AMARACHI: what’s going on? You can always talk to me.

    EBUKA: I injected all my life savings in an investment and so far, it is not looking great.

    I told you about the contract I gave my Chinese friend, right?

    AMARACHI: yes, you did.

    EBUKA: now, when he finished the job, the company paid him and he gave me the sum of 15 million naira. I didn’t want to waste it so I started researching things I can invest in.
    Then I found this car dealership company in Dubai, contacted them and the guy I spoke with assured me they can send me about 4 brand new Honda accord for one hundred and fifty million.

    I thought it was a fair deal, so i added more money to the fifteen million and paid them. He called to confirm receipt of the payment and promised he would keep me updated all the way.

    Four days went, and he didn’t contact me. So i decided to call the number we had been communicating with and it wasn’t going through.

    I went on their website and it kept saying the site is temporarily shut down for maintenance.

    AMARACHI: oh my God! This is scary but again, it might be too early to be so worried now. It may be that they are working on their website indeed. So don’t let that get you down.

    EBUKA: Amara, This is a case of storing all your eggs in one basket. I invested all my savings. I only have about two million naira in my account now. So just pray for me, okay. Please pray for me

    AMARACHI: I will do. All will be well.

    EBUKA: so what will you be doing today?

    AMARACHI: erm, Nkechi has been complaining of this tummy ache since yesterday, so she can’t do much around the house. I’ll do a bit cleaning and then go to the market and buy food items

    EBUKA: you don’t need to do the cleaning. There is a woman who does it for us every month. The problem is that Funmi is the one who has her number. I’ll try and text her today and ask for it

    AMARACHI: (frowns)??

    EBUKA: okay…..Someone is jealous. Come on! I’m never ever going back to her. Not when I have my Igbo princess now. What was I even thinking!

    Anyway, better late than never. Tell Nkechi to remember to take the medications I got her last night.
    I’m off now, look after yourself…ehn! Is your passport ready yet?

    AMARACHI: are we still going?

    EBUKA: why not! I don’t mind borrowing to have that special private time with you. Ah! Don’t even question it

    AMARACHI: Yes, my passport is ready. Like I said, don’t let that bother you okay? Have a good shift.

    EBUKA: am I qualified for a goodbye kiss yet?

    AMARACHI: I’ll give you a hug (hugs him) bye

    EBUKA: (staring at her lustfully) that should be the warmest hug I’ve ever received in my life.

    A foretaste of what is to come!
    God don butter my bread!?‍?

    (Ebuka left and Amara went back Into the room where Nkechi was still asleep)

    AMARACHI: NK! NK!

    NKECHI: (faintly) hmn, morning, Amara

    AMARACHI: morning, darling. How are you feeling?

    NKECHI: horrible?

    AMARACHI: did the medication you took last night help at all?

    NKECHI: not at all

    AMARACHI: chai! Don’t be ill please. No wedding without the chief bridesmaid o!

    NKECHI: ah! Even if I was dead and buried, i would resurrect, attend the wedding and then die again

    AMARACHI: hahahaha! Naughty! So what would you like to eat today?

    NKECHI: white soup please

    AMARACHI: Madam white soup! Anyway, don’t forget to take your meds. I’ll quickly rush to the market and get the white soup ingredients. Alright?

    NKECHI: this is what I’ve been moaning about! What Yoruba woman would do this! Thanks our wife

    (Amara left but as usual went to Wuse2)

    AMARACHI : so how are you doing?

    FUNMI: I’m still in shock over what happened yesterday

    AMARACHI: human beings don’t shock me anymore. Your friend is a she devil.
    She should be glad my demons were on holiday yesterday. I would have beaten her into coma. Bastard!

    FUNMI: honestly, I wouldn’t believe it in a million years. I tell Calista every single thing about me. I mean the tiniest details!

    AMARACHI: there should never be a person who has that much detail about you. Never!
    Don’t give anyone such power. They could destroy you easily.
    Keep some secrets to yourself. Some secrets should die with you!

    FUNMI: big lesson, sis. Big lesson! How is Ebuka? Is he eating at all or still drinking. I really miss my husband, my home and Nkechi ?

    AMARACHI: awwww! Well, Ebuka is there. We don’t see so much of him. He wakes up, goes to work, comes home and goes to bed. Same routine everyday!

    FUNMI: does he eat at home?

    AMARACHI: sometimes.

    FUNMI: how about Nkechi?

    AMARACHI: she is a bit unwell.

    FUNMI: oh no! What is wrong with her?

    AMARACHI: she’s been having this persistent tummy ache.

    FUNMI: ughhh! Hope she feels better soon.

    AMARACHI: Amen. So why did you suspend your MSC programme?

    FUNMI: I was in debt. Ebuka refused to pay my tuition fee. I had no option than to withdraw. I can always go back and finish it when I am able to.

    AMARACHI: how much is your tuition fee altogether

    FUNMI: about one twenty thousand naira

    AMARACHI: I’ll transfer it to you now. Go back to uni tomorrow morning.

    FUNMI: did I hear you right????

    AMARACHI: you did. The money will be in your account soon.

    FUNMI: Amara! Where do you get all these money from? I don’t mean to be rude, but you are only a student!

    AMARACHI: I know I don’t look it, but I’m actually not a pauper.

    FUNMI: awwwww! (Hugs her) now I believe in angels! I have one standing right in front of me. How could you be so kind to a total stranger. A girl from a different tribe, speaks a different language and all.

    AMARACHI: because if I cut her open, she will bleed the same colour of blood that I bleed. That makes us one!
    Our differences are ones we created ourselves.
    I am mostly blind to them.

    So how much do we need to complete our business money?

    FUNMI: 50k from you and 50k from me! And I have mine ready!
    Remember Adaku my mum’s tenant?

    AMARACHI: yes, the nice lady you told me about?

    FUNMI: yes. She joined her husband in Canada. She sent me 70k yesterday! I’m just so blessed!

    AMARACHI: awwww! Bless her! Anyway, here is my own 50k. Italy here we come!!!

    FUNMI: yeeeeeee! Great entrepreneurs in the making! ???????

    AMARACHI: yessssss!? I need to leave now. Nkechi is alone in the house. One more thing, my boyfriend is in town, we will be spending the night tomorrow here, if you don’t mind.

    FUNMI: awww! Of course I don’t mind! It’s your house! Where is he coming from?

    AMARACHI: he came back from Spain yesterday, he is currently in Lagos but will come here tomorrow to see me. We won’t come back until around 10ish okay?

    FUNMI: no worries at all. Please dear, can I ask for a favour?

    AMARACHI: sure!

    FUNMI: if Ebuka ever asks you out, or asks you for sex, please don’t oblige him, please I beg of you?

    AMARACHI: Funmi, you don’t have to trust everybody, but you’ve got to trust someone…

    Bye, hun. (Leaves…)

    EPISODE 20

    MR OSAI: morning, Funmi. How are you?

    FUNMI: I’m alright. Good morning

    MR OSAI: how have you been managing?

    FUNMI: God has been gracious. I have been receiving help from lots of people.

    MR OSAI: great to hear. Do you need anything?

    FUNMI: not at the moment. No.

    MR OSAI: It’s Saturday today, So I’m only here until 10am. Our daughter has got really nasty cataarh; I told my wife to get her ready so I could quickly come to the office and do a few things before I take them to the hospital, so they must be waiting.

    Erm, I just wanted to find out if you are willing to take on the role of my personal deputy?

    FUNMI: wow! Why not!

    MR OSAI: well, I did put up vacancy for two more roles on our website. If you become my deputy, it means your position will be empty and we need one one more person in our IT department. So you are happy to do it?

    FUNMI: yes!

    MR OSAI: great! So it comes with a pay rise, and a few other benefits like entitlement to an all expense paid holiday, health insurance which covers you and one other family member and a car.

    FUNMI: wow! Are there things I’d need to do?

    MR OSAI: erm, we will train you for a week and that’s all fully paid. Nothing difficult at all. Just to familiarise you with your new role.

    FUNMI: okay. Thank you. Did you get the email I sent you?

    MR OSAI: Oh yea! The CV, right? Is that someone you know?

    FUNMI: yes. It’s actually the lady I told you about who got me a house and all.

    MR OSAI: oh! The Amarachi of a girl! Alright, ask her when she is available to start…

    FUNMI: oh! My God! Thank you!!

    MR OSAI: you’re welcome, Funmi. Anyway, look after the office. I’m leaving now

    FUNMI: please send my love to your daughter and wife. I hope she feels better soon.

    MR OSAI: I will. Thanks. Bye

    (Mr Osai left and after sometime, a call came through to Funmi’s desk from the receptionist)

    FUNMI: hello, Funmi here. How can I help?

    RECEPTIONIST: someone is here to see you

    FUNMI: what’s the name?

    RECEPTIONIST: Zain.

    FUNMI: hmmm! Let him in, please. Thanks

    (Zain knocked on the door and Funmi opened the door for him)

    ZAIN: surprise! Surprise!!

    FUNMI: you didn’t tell me you were coming!

    ZAIN: I know you threw your card on me just to dismiss me. Well, most guys would find the way you dismissed me quite abrupt, but I find it very attractive actually

    FUNMI: please take a seat.

    ZAIN: (sits down) thank you.

    FUNMI: would you like anything?

    ZAIN: yes. You.

    FUNMI: Oh please!

    ZAIN: I meant everything I said to you at the mall. You see, I’m not asking you to date me straight away, just give me a chance to know you.
    That’s all I’m asking for.

    FUNMI: I’m married…

    ZAIN: well, you don’t look it (stares at her finger ring and gave a facial expression that suggests “so why are your fingers empty?)

    FUNMI: why are you staring at my fingers like that?

    ZAIN: well, I like how neat and short they are. I dislike articial nails on ladies..also, I thought married people wear wedding bands in this part of the world. I might be wrong…

    FUNMI: I.. I..

    ZAIN: It’s alright! You don’t have to lie to me. You are not married. Maybe you were married. Whatever the case, I just want to get to know you.
    I know I don’t look it with the whole beards and all, but I am actually harmless.

    FUNMI: do you mind if I ask where you are from?

    ZAIN: I’m from Delta state.

    FUNMI: hmmm! Interesting. Do you live there?

    ZAIN: erm, actually, I and my siblings were all born and raised in the United States. This is my second time of coming to Nigeria since I was born. But I’m trying to put up something here that will always draw me back home. You don’t wanna go too far away from your roots

    FUNMI: so you can’t even speak your language

    ZAIN: shush! Keep your voice down! You don’t need to let the world know!

    FUNMI: hahahaha! I need a microphone in this office so I could loud it.

    ZAIN: thank goodness you have none. Naughty girl!

    FUNMI: I’m not a girl! Respect my age!

    ZAIN: sorry, grandma. Can we go out for lunch?

    FUNMI: I don’t think that will be possible. I’ve got a few things to do here

    ZAIN: I’ll hang around and come back whenever you want me to.
    Why are you working on a Saturday, anyway!

    FUNMI: I don’t wanna be bored at home.

    ZAIN: happily married people look forward to the weekend…

    FUNMI: ???

    ZAIN: I don’t mean to open any healing wounds. I’m sorry if I did. But when I saw you in that mall, I saw loneliness, I saw betrayals, I saw love and lost.
    Your beautiful garments couldn’t hide them. They pierced through it. All I wanted to do is offer you some comforting hugs.
    I saw a girl who’s been betrayed by the ones she holds dearly to her heart

    FUNMI: (wipes her tears with her hands)

    ZAIN: (throws his handkerchief on her) use this. Don’t be ashamed to cry as much as you wish. But never go back to what made you cry. This is my grandma’s everyday advice to us. Just thought you might find it helpful.

    FUNMI: thank you. If you don’t mind I would love to carry on working now, please.

    ZAIN: sure! And the lunch?

    FUNMI: maybe some other time.

    ZAIN: that’s alright. If you need to talk, I am only a phone call away.

    FUNMI: thanks.

    ZAIN:?‍?‍
    **************************************************

    EBUKA: darling.. hurry up, I’ve got to book our ticket before the ticketing office closes! It’s Saturday today and they close quite early!

    AMARACHI: won’t be a minute! Just putting some lipstick on.

    NKECHI: I wish I was going with you guys to meet your brother. So where are you guys meeting him?

    EBUKA: we will pick him up from the airport and maybe go to a restaurant to eat.

    ( Amara and Ebuka left for the airport where they where they would pick up Amara’s so called brother.

    This got me thinking about the popular saying “every man is a fool for the woman he loves”
    How could a handsome and well read young man like Ebuka be so fooled!

    Well, they got to the airport and after a short while, Chika met them)

    EBUKA: ?I am Ebuka. Nice to meet you.

    CHIKA: nice to meet you, bros. I am Chikamnele (turns to Amara and hugs her) look at this little girl of yesterday talking marriage!

    AMARACHI: (pretending to be shy) I’m a woman!

    CHIKA: woman in deed!

    EBUKA: they grow up so fast, isn’t it? When I look at Nkechi my sister, I just can’t believe how that much growth happened within such a short time.

    CHIKA: the thing tire person, bros.

    EBUKA: so why didn’t you want to come to our house?

    CHIKA: I’m sorry bros, but my girlfriend is on my neck, very soon she will start calling. E be like say she go die if she no see me in the next 30 minutes.

    EBUKA: awww! Na their way.

    CHIKA: this one own no get comparison. Well, I don’t blame her. We haven’t seen each other for two years now.

    EBUKA: I no understand how una dey fit do this kind relationship o! I no fit. Bros enter car

    AMARACHI: I will follow you to your girlfriend’s house o! If I don’t like her, you are dumping her straight away!

    CHIKA: and if I no like your man?

    EBUKA: hahaha! You and your sister! You guys are so cute!

    CHIKA: she is a pain in my buttocks but I love her to bits! My God! I love this child!

    AMARACHI: I love you too, bro!

    (Ebuka, drove them to a restaurant, they ordered food and drinks, and as they ate, more conversations took place)

    EBUKA: I’m sure your sister must have told you about me and our intentions to starts a life together

    CHIKA: Yea Yea! She has and I told her not to get so excited yet until I meet the guy.

    EBUKA: so here is the guy! Hahaha I’m sure she must have told you a few things about me.

    I made a wrong choice of marriage initially, but as God would have it, I did break out early enough. So no baby mama anywhere

    CHIKA: great! Because that worried me a little my sister’s safety and happiness is paramount. She is our only girl and we would give our right kidneys to ensure she is happy. Whatever happiness means to her.

    EBUKA: I have an only sister too, and she technically, hold my mumu button. Thank God she happens to be Amara’s friend.

    CHIKA: these only demons abi sisters can be so annoying man!

    AMARACHI: brother Chika! Trouble maker!

    ROSSY: brother Chika fire!??‍

    EBUKA: so do I have your support?

    CHIKA: I mean these few minutes are probably not enough to determine whether you are a nice person or not. But I trust her judgement. This girl is very smart by the way; She can reformat a dead brain. Beware!

    EBUKA: oh! I know that!

    CHIKA: yes, you have my support. You also have my support to get her pregnant after marriage. You however, do not have my support to do so before marriage

    AMARACHI: ?????

    CHIKA: you can close your eyes all you want. Na final warning be that!

    EBUKA: hahaha! Bros your blood dey hot o! Anyway, no problem my guy! You’ll be a proud big brother in the end

    CHIKA: perfect! You were going somewhere right?

    EBUKA: yes, I’m going to get our tickets to France . But I’ll quickly drop you at your girlfriend’s place before going

    CHIKA: no need for that at all. She just texted me now that she will come pick us up.

    EBUKA: wicked! Alright then. Nice to meet you bro. We will talk more on phone

    CHIKA: sure! Nice to meet you man! Cheers

    (Ebuka left and Amara threw himself into Chika ‘s arms and they laughed and kissed until their lips hurt)

    CHIKA: on a serious note, babe, you must be very careful with this dude. He is a player, he has the looks and definitely the right words to get any woman tripping and falling over.

    You must stay on top of the game and make it as snappy as possible. I’ve seen shiiii like this ruin relationships and I don’t want that to happen to us.
    I don’t want to lose you for anything in the world.

    AMARACHI: you won’t, babe. I just have to do this for her. She is another woman I wouldn’t like society to trample on.

    CHIKA: make it snappy. Your travelling to France with him scares the hell out of me.

    AMARACHI: I am the coach in this game. I have the whistle, I decide when it ends and believe me when I say the final whistle is ab

    EPISODE 21

    FUNMI: house! Is anyone home?

    NKECHI: who is it??? I’m coming! (Opens the door)
    why are you here?? What do you want??? I thought you were asked to disappear never to come back!

    FUNMI: kechi, good morning?

    NKECHI: morning! The name is NKechi!

    FUNMI: I learnt you are unwell, are you feeling any better?

    NKECHI: oh! So you came to see if your juju worked on me??? No! It didn’t! The God of this family is strong and mighty, your juju is powerless!!!

    FUNMI: hahaha! You are funny, Nkechi. Anyways, where is Ebuka??

    NKECHI: why are you looking for him? He doesn’t want to have anything to do with you!

    FUNMI: I am well aware of that and I am not here to have anything to do with him! So just be an adult for a minute and answer my question!

    NKECHI: if you don’t leave this house now, I will unleash the dog on you!

    FUNMI: Again, you are acting your shoe size instead of your age! Which dog are we talking about here? The dog I raised as a puppy??? Hahaha!

    NKECHI: (starts calling the dog) Jackie! Jackie!
    (The dog ran out and immediately he saw Funmi, he fell into her arms and was all over her. Barking In excitement as he jumps up and down her???

    FUNMI: (stroking him all over) awwww! Look at my baby! Missed momma? Awwww! I’ll come take you with me soon.

    NKECHI: (Hits the dog very hard) come on get back inside you Yoruba dog!

    (The dog ran back in and continued to bark in excitement inside)

    FUNMI: you abuse human beings and also defenceless animals, You are a coward!
    I’m not leaving my dog with you, I’m coming to take him next week!
    So what next have you got to release on me? A snake?

    NKECHI: no! A slap, if you don’t leave this house now.

    FUNMI: Hehehe! If you dare raise your tiny ugly hands on me, I’ll drop my home training on the floor, beat you black, blue and mint, and pick it up again!
    Don’t dare this Yoruba angel! Don’t.
    Now, where is your brother!

    NKECHI: why do you want to see him?

    FUNMI: if you must know, I left my uni ID here and I’m back to Uni now, so i need it to gain entrance into the premesis!

    NKECHI: Ebuka is holidaying in France with his girl, so you are going to have to come back some other time!

    FUNMI: his girl? So Ebuka couldn’t even wait to legally divorce me before bringing in another woman into his house???

    NKECHI: I know you think the world revolves around you, but my darling, it doesn’t! It revolves around the sun!
    You were replaced while you were still here! I replaced you to teach you a lesson. Whenever and wherever you meet anyone called Nkechi? Bow down and worship her, she is your ancestor!

    Under your nose, I got my brother an Igbo bride in whom he is now well pleased. Ebuka and Amara are happy together.
    You’ll get their wedding invite soon; and the highest thing you can do about that is to hang yourself. I’ll give you a rope if you need me to.

    FUNMI: what did you just say??? Amara?? Amara and Ebuka??? This must be a joke! Kechi, are you serious about this?

    NKECHI: have I ever joked with you? She is ten times better than you will ever be!
    Ebuka now enjoys the love, goodness, mercy and warmth of an Igbo woman!
    He now looks forward to nights, if you know what I mean… ??

    FUNMI: ???? God, does this mean you didn’t create any loyal and trustworthy person on earth! (Starts crying and ran out of the premesis)

    (Funmi got home, packed all her belongings ready to leave, but she has no place to go and she is also low on funds. She thought of calling Calista to apologise to her but she didn’t pick up her phone. So she decided to call Zain)

    ZAIN(?????) Hello…Hello.. why why are you crying? Oh no! What’s the matter?
    Okay babe, calm down, take a deep breath…another one, and another one…alright, are you safe where you are?

    FUNMI (amidst tears and with an unsteady voice) y-e-s??

    ZAIN: perfect! Now, give me the exact address where you are and I’ll be there as fast as I can, alright?

    FUNMI: number 12 Ibrahim Kashim Road Wuse2

    ZAIN: excellent! See you in a bit. Do you want me to stay on the phone with you while I’m driving down?

    FUNMI: no. I’ll be alright.

    ZAIN: are you sure?

    FUNMI: yes.

    ZAIN: see you in a bit!

    (Zain drove as fast as he could to Wuse2 and met Funmi in the living room floor crying her eyes out. He quickly went to her, helped her up to her feet and gave her a very long and warm hug until she stopped crying.
    Funmi cried on him until her makeup stained his white shirt terribly)

    FUNMI: sorry, I’ve just ruined your shirt.

    ZAIN: stop talking about a piece of cotton and tell me what’s the problem. You were supposed to be in uni this morning..

    FUNMI: yes. After I got ready, I realised my ID was left at my ex husband’s house, so i took a cab down there to get it as I didn’t want to pay another five thousand naira to get another one.
    On getting there, I was told that he went to France with his girlfriend.

    ZAIN: that ain’t supposed to bother you?

    FUNMI: yes. But guess who the girlfriend is?

    ZAIN: someone you know? Babe, shiiis like this are the order of the day. Human beings are no longer loyal. If you need a loyal friend, get you a puppy!

    See, nothing surprises me anymore. Not when I caught my girl pants down with my plumber in my own damn bedroom! Now, it doesn’t get any worse than that, does it!

    FUNMI: the same lady I told you that owns this place. She has been the one supporting me both financially and emotionally since my marriage packed up and now this!??

    ZAIN: danm!!! The same lady you described as an angel? Well, the devil was once an angel. Safe to say she is now an ex angel.

    FUNMI: I just needed someone to talk to about what next to do. I’m done packing my belongings but I don’t know whether to leave now or wait until she returns.

    ZAIN: now, you’ve got to be smart when dealing with human beings. If you leave her house before she comes back, she can turn around and accuse you of stealing her stuff and making away with them. It Will be her words against yours.
    Let her come back, hand her keys over to her then we will get you a temporal place while looking for a house for you.

    FUNMI: gosh! I can’t even face her!

    ZAIN: unfortunately, the world is littered with hypocrites. We have to face them every day whether we like it or not. Now, get dressed let’s go somewhere as beautiful as you are!

    FUNMI: let me put some makeup on

    ZAIN: no you don’t have to. You look stunning without them. Moreover, we are going swimming anyway!

    **********************************************

    EBUKA: sitting right opposite you in the city of love is a dream come true! Today is the best day of my life.

    AMARACHI: same here, babe.

    EBUKA: so tell me, why did you never let me have sex with you back home.

    AMARACHI: erm, with me, sex does not happen if my emotions are not hundred percent in it. There are a few factors that have been stopping me from having sex with you.

    EBUKA: do you not find me sexually attractive?

    AMARACHI: I do actually, but I feel it might be disrespectful to Nkechi to have sex with you under the same roof with her.

    EBUKA: but that’s what Nkechi has been praying for! Remember that day at the pool?

    AMARACHI: yeah?

    EBUKA: she excused herself in the guise of going to get credit to call mum just so we can have some privacy

    AMARACHI: hmmm.

    EBUKA: so, there is no Nkechi or anyone else here. So can I finally get to see beneath her beautiful garments after breakfast?

    AMARACHI: sure! This is the best place in the world to have sex. Hahahah!

    EBUKA: I’ve been dying for a day like this. I can’t wait baby! I’ve never been this starved all my life. Gosh!

    AMARACHI: so why were you pretending that day when I wanted you as badly as I want you now?

    EBUKA: I know I look like a play boy, but I’m actually a one man one woman kinda man.
    I was still with that little dirty cheat then. I wish that day will repeat itself today.

    AMARACHI: hehehehe! You want me to take the lead role, aye? Lazy boy!

    EBUKA: I may be lazy everywhere else, but not in bed. Do you want to find out?

    AMARACHI: sure!

    EBUKA: (turns his back to Amara) jump on!

    (Amara jumped on Ebuka’s back and he carried her into their hotel room. Needless to describe how aroused Ebuka was at this point..
    Well, he gently dropped her on the bed, and as he tried to undo her buttons, she stopped him)

    AMARACHI: wait! Wait Ebuka! I want to ask you a question.

    EBUKA: babe! What question again!

    AMARACHI: did you ever have sex with that Yoruba girl?

    EBUKA: who? Funmi?

    AMARACHI: yes?

    EBUKA: what is the meaning of this question now! Of course I did!!! We were married for crickey’s sake!

    AMARACHI: I can’t get it over my head.

    EBUKA: but that was my past! That happened before I met you! Why do you have to punish me for something I did with someone I was married to!
    Come on! This is silly

    AMARACHI: (doing up her buttons) really? Is it?

    EBUKA: are you listening to yourself at all? Don’t you have an ex?
    Have you not had sex with another man before now?
    Why are you being selfish!
    I had sex with someone I was married to before I met you, so what!!!

    AMARACHI: (??pours herself a glass of wine, takes a sip, winks at Ebuka, and walks out)

    EPISODE 22

    (After what transpired between Amara and Ebuka yesterday, Ebuka left their room and spent the whole night in the hotel’s bar. Around 3am, he came in and met Amara sitting on the one seater sofa by the bed..)

    EBUKA: why are you not sleeping?

    AMARACHI: why do you care!

    EBUKA: Amara, I’m really sorry..

    AMARACHI: what are you sorry for?

    EBUKA: I am sorry for everything that happened last night. How I spoke to you and how I left you all alone. I thought I should just go to the bar, drink and forget it all; but I just couldn’t drink so I sat there all night.
    I managed to finish a glass of lemonade I bought.
    I promise to let things happen naturally between us. I sat down and gave it a thought, and I realised I may have been pushing things a little too fast.
    I promise to give you all the time you need to get over the fact that I ever slept with her.
    If you need any professional help, I’ll pay for it.

    (Sits on the opposite her ) Amara?

    AMARACHI: yes?

    EBUKA: I want to advise you on something. For a moment, forget about everything that has happened to us, forget about our relationship and all that. See me as a friend advising you.

    You see what happened last night? Never ever try it with any other man. Now, I would never in my life have unconsented sex with a woman. Even if we had started, the minute she withdraws her consent, I’m done! But not many guys out there can say same of themselves.

    AMARACHI: I just wanted you to feel her pains!?

    EBUKA:?whose pains?

    AMARACHI: she’s been in bits ever since!

    EBUKA: what the hell are you talking about!

    AMARACHI: I’m talking about funmi! I am talking about your wife!

    EBUKA: oh I see! So this is what it’s all about right? Women supporting women huh?

    AMARACHI: she’s going through so much emotional trauma ??

    EBUKA: well, she should have thought about that when she opened her legs to her boss! ??
    You speak of pain? Do you even know the taste of pain? No you don’t !

    Do you know how much it hurts to know that the woman you so much loved, trusted and cherished was cheating on you??
    Do you know how many times I contemplated suicide? Do you?
    Do you know what it feels like being made to feel less of a man?
    I loved that lady more than any woman I’ve even been with.
    Now, let me be sincere to you, I know I have told you that I love you and all, but I do not love you half as much as I loved Funmi

    (takes off his shirt pointing to a huge scare on his lower back)
    Look at this! This was done to me by a cult member who wanted Funmi when we were in uni.
    I was tortured for three days with no water or food and told that if I am even seen anywhere around her, I would be killed.

    When I was released, guess where I went first? Guess where I bloody went first! (Starts crying??)I… I….went straight to her hostel.
    I was ready to die for her.?

    But what did I get paid with? Cheating and lying!
    Tell me about pain! No, tell me!

    AMARACHI: what if I tell you she never cheated?

    EBUKA: oh cut the crap! Did you not listen to the conversation between her and her friend?

    AMARACHI: Ebuka, things are not always what they look like. What she admitted to in that recorded conversation, happened three years before she met you! No, I don’t mean three years before she married you. I mean three freaking years before she met you!

    EBUKA: oh shut up! I met Funmi in her final year at the university!

    AMARACHI: and it happened when she went for her industrial training in year one! When she graduated, she went back there and they offered her a job!

    EBUKA: how did you know??

    AMARACHI: because I took the time, asked her and listened to her. Something you never bothered to do.

    EBUKA: she never told me? All she would say whenever I asked her, was that she didn’t cheat!

    AMARACHI: because she didn’t cheat! You married Funmi. You have known her longer than I have; but it took me only a few days to find out that she is not the most confident person in the world.
    People like her rarely can defend themselves. They would rather cry their hearts out in secret than engage in such argument with anyone. Especially in matters as sensitive as this one.
    Ebuka, you failed in your duty as her husband!
    You allowed your sister and brother to think for you.
    Listen Ebuka, if I were to be married to you, I would make you choose between marrying me and keeping your sister in my house.
    My goodness! Nkechi has no respect whatsoever for your wife, and you do literally nothing about it!

    The way she speaks to her, the way she treats her and make mockery of her accent. Take this from me, not many women will take it. I definitely wouldn’t!.

    EBUKA: do you mean she slept with her boss before we got married??????

    AMARACHI: no. She slept with him before she met you! And it wasn’t even a case of an employee opening her legs to her employer. They were in a serious relationship!
    Osai had met funmi’s family and all that.

    When they met with the church’s committee, they asked them to run some compatibility tests. Unfortunately, their genotypes posed a risk.

    EBUKA: Amara, I’m going back to Nigeria now to look for MY WIFE! You can stay here and relax. Everything is paid for until Friday, so the choice is yours!

    AMARACHI: I’ll help you find her.

    (Ebuka and Amara boarded the next available flight and arrived Nigeria at about 8am in the morning. Amara told Ebuka that she was going to see her brother, while Ebuka hurriedly went home to begin his search for Funmi.

    Amara got to Wuse2 and met Funmi and Zain. Funmi’s belongings were all in the living room as she had made up her mind to leave Amara’s house)

    AMARACHI: (opens the door) hello! Looks like we’ve got a visitor. What’s up Funmi?

    FUNMI: Amara, even you? You of all people, Amara? You told me I could trust you, you told me I could talk to you. You made me comfortable outside and occupied my home inside.
    Amara, May you be rewarded in your own coin! Everything you’ve done to me, another will do to you! This evil that you did will surely come back to you in folds

    AMARACHI: amen! Funmi, I have done you no wrong! I have not broken any single promise I made to you. You have to believe me, please!

    FUNMI: (pushes her out of the way) get out of my face you whore! (Walks out of the premesis)

    ZAIN: come on girl! That wasn’t on! That’s your fellow woman. How could you hurt a girl who is already terribly hurt! What do you stand to gain? Her husband? Karma has got you on her list, babe! Wait for it soon!

    AMARACHI: (starts crying) please don’t judge me if you don’t know my mission)

    ZAIN: what blooming mission is that!

    AMARACHI: I’ve never slept with her husband. I have been working hard to restore her home and I am almost done please don’t let all my efforts be in vain.
    Please help explain to her. I have been able to get her husband to know the real truth???

    Here,?? I have a full clip of everything that happened in France with me. My boyfriend got me this CCTV and I went with it. Please help me beg her to watch it.

    ZAIN: hmmm! Now this is getting interesting. Give me a minute, I’ll get her!

    (Zain managed to convince Funmi to watch the CCTV footage of everything that transpired between them. Half way through it, Funmi felled Amara’s knees and in tears, begged her to forgive her..)

    ZAIN: girl, you are not human! Human beings don’t do this sort of thing. Human beings hurt, hate, kill and betray each other. What department of heaven are you from?

    AMARACHI: thank you for making this happen. I’m glad I have my sister back?

    FUNMI: (Hugs her and they both started crying)

    ZAIN: (struggling to hold back his tears) gosh! And I thought I was a man! Ladies, stop it please! Oh! You both are so sweet!

    FUNMI: Amara, guess what?

    AMARACHI: tell me.

    FUNMI: our parcel arrived and has been sold. I placed another order for ten thousand pairs and we made a profit of seven hundred thousand naira!
    It’s resting in our joint account!????

    AMARACHI: Oh my God! Are you serious!?????
    ************************************************

    EBUKA () Nkechi mepee Uzo!! (Open the door!) Nkechi!! Nkechi!! Jesus Christ! Where is this girl! I need to go find MY WIFE! Nkechi!!

    EFE: ?‍?‍?‍ good morning, brother Ebuka

    EBUKA: morning, Efe. Have you seen my sister at all today?

    EFE: Auntie Nkechi no well so my madam and oga carry am go hospital since yesterday. So them give me key say make I give you when you return

    EBUKA: what! Wetin dey happen to her?

    EFE: I no know o! Them say she dey vomit blood commot for her mouth and when she pee, blood go dey commot. I no sure but you fit call my madam and ask am.

    EBUKA: damn It! (Collects the keys from Efe, went in grabbed his car keys and started driving out of the compound while ringing her neighbours to know which hospital they took Nkechi to…)

    EPISODE 23

    EBUKA: My God! Nkechi what is going on? What happened to you?? Why didn’t you call me!

    NKECHI: I didnt want to disturb you guys. You need some time to get to know each other.

    EBUKA: is dede Chinwendu aware?

    NKECHI: yes. He sent the money for the second dialysis I had.

    AMARACHI: Nkechi, don’t fret okay? We are here for you. I Will donate my kidney. I don’t want you to give in to fear.

    NKECHI: (smiles) how was your short holiday? No tell me say you no carry belle come back o!

    AMARACHI: you no well! Have you eaten?

    NKECHI: yes. Our neighbour brought me food. She is so kind

    AMARACHI: which one?

    NKECHI: the Yoruba woman that sells black soap.

    AMARACHI: awww! Bless her!

    EBUKA: where is the doctor?

    NKECHI: his office is just after that vending machine.

    EBUKA: let me go and speak with him?‍?‍?‍

    (Ebuka got into the doctor’s office and he asked him to take a seat)

    DOCTOR: you must be Miss Okoye’ s brother right?

    EBUKA: I am. What’s happening to my sister?

    DOCTOR: ermm, your sister has advanced chronic kidney disease. She came to the hospital too late.

    We can’t emphasise the importance of reporting to your doctor as soon as you notice any changes in your body, enough! We can’t!

    EBUKA: what exactly does this mean?

    DOCTOR: it means that her kidneys are not functioning properly. Normally, your kidneys filter the blood, to rid it of harmful waste products and excess fluid and then turn them into urine to be passed out of the body.

    So because her kidneys are not working, her blood is not being filtered. When she came to the hospital, we noticed that waste products and excess fluid are already building up to a dangerous level. That was why we recommended immediate heomodialysis to help filter those unwanted substances and fluid from her blood.

    We have since then done two dialysis that is why she is the way she is now. When she was brought to us, she was really down.

    Ebuka: hmmm! So how long would this carry on?

    DOCTOR: unfortunately, her kidneys won’t be able to recover. So, she invariably would need kidney transplant. The good news is that she is healthy enough to undergo transplant. But we will keep doing the dialysis until we get her a suitable donor.

    EBUKA: doctor, I am a very healthy young man. I have no medical condition whatsoever. So I’ll donate mine.

    DOCTOR: erm, being physically healthy does not automatically make you a suitable donor. We would need to carry out three main tests on you. That is after we have checked that you in fact have two kidneys, because some people are born with just one.

    In that case, they would not be able to donate their only kidney. Since you’ve stated that you have no health conditions such as diabetes, high blood pressure or HIV, I will now go ahead and carry out a blood test to determine your blood type and if it will match your sister’s blood.

    I will also do two more blood tests called tissue typing and cross matching

    If it all comes out good, then we would perform the surgery on you. Otherwise, we continue with the dialysis until we find her a suitable donor.

    EBUKA: please do the tests now.

    AMARACHI: doctor, I want the tests done on me as well, so that if one doesn’t match, we use the other!

    DOCTOR: Alright. I’ll only take blood from both of you today. The results will take about three to five days to come out. But I need to emphasise that she requires another dialysis tomorrow and that would cost a total of eighty thousand naira for the two hours.

    EBUKA: okay! Where do I make the payment?

    DOCTOR: please pay at the reception. Thanks.

    (Ebuka and Amara went back to the ward where Nkechi was lying in bed)

    EBUKA: Darling, don’t worry at all. I am your big brother and I will not allow a thing to happen to you. I will give both kidneys if that is what it takes, okay?

    NKECHI: thanks dede. I’m not scared I’m just worried about mama. She has been crying since yesterday. Please I want her to come and stay here with me.

    EBUKA: I’ll call chijioke to put her in the plane tomorrow and I’ll pick her up from the airport. So do not worry about that.

    I will go drop Amara off and come back. What would you like to eat?

    NKECHI: drop her off? Both of you should go home! You are almost a new couple. You should spend more time together. I’ll be fine; the nurses are very efficient.

    AMARACHI: NK, I and your brother are just friends now. Nothing more.

    NKECHI: what! Please don’t make my condition worse! Why? How!

    EBUKA: Nkechi, I must bring Funmi back as my wife. She did not do any of the things she was accused of.

    NKECHI: over my dead body! Unless I die of this ailment. No way I’m letting that witch back to that house! Look how happy and bubbly you are since she left!

    EBUKA: Amara, let me drop you off. Nkechi I’ll be back soon.

    (Amara and Ebuka went into the car and drove off)

    AMARACHI: please drop me at Wuse2. That’s where my brother’s girlfriend lives. I’ll be staying with her henceforth.

    EBUKA: and you are sure you have no idea where Funmi is?

    AMARACHI: unfortunately, not. I saw her last in the market and I didn’t remember to ask where she lives.

    EBUKA: I saw her online on whatsapp, wrote her, called….all was ignored. I’ve written every apology I know how to. I made voice notes…none got a response.

    AMARACHI: she’ll come around.

    EBUKA: phewww! Do you know that I have not heard from the Dubai car dealers?

    AMARACHI: what!!!

    EBUKA: you heard that right. I haven’t. The only money I have on me right now is the money we came back from France with. I’ve paid eighty thousand naira out of it for Nkechi’s dialysis. Brother Chinwendu is currently unemployed. Jesus! I hope God is not mistaking me for the biblical Job!

    AMARACHI: don’t start sounding defeated already. Keep the faith. Just drop me anywhere here.

    EBUKA: are you sure?

    AMARACHI: yeah.

    EBUKA: alright. Please help me with searching for Funmi. That is the only thing that will make sense in my life right now. Please my dear sister, help me with this! Please! Say me hi to your brother

    AMARACHI: I will do my best.

    (Amarachi got home and met Funmi trying out some new posh under garments)

    AMARACHI: hmmm! Someone did some serious shopping today!

    FUNMI: hehehe! I didn’t o! Na gift

    AMARACHI: gift? Who from?

    FUNMI: someone nice.

    AMARACHI: hmmmm! Mr nice better be told you are married o!

    FUNMI: me, married? Joker!

    AMARACHI: Nkechi has chronic kidney disease…

    FUNMI: Jesu!!! When! How??

    AMARACHI: we didn’t meet her at home when we came back. A neighbour took her to the hospital

    FUNMI: Oh my God! Which hospital?

    AMARACHI: Maitama

    FUNMI: Oh! This is sad! Please extend my greetings to her when you see her again. Her brother should be able to afford kidney transplant. I hope the surgery and everything goes well.

    AMARACHI: Ebuka was defrauded. He is currently worth less than a million.

    FUNMI: That can’t be true???

    AMARACHI: it is. So tell me about this Zain o! He is hot by the way.

    FUNMI: hot and nice o!

    AMARACHI: are you guys dating?

    FUNMI: ermm, I wouldn’t say that, but we are just letting things flow freely

    AMARACHI: hian! Free flow of things! Ebuka is dying to hear from you.

    FUNMI: please don’t tell me about ebuka. Don’t spoil my mood please!

    EPISODE 24

    KENNETH: Ebuka, please suspend whatever you are doing and come to the boardroom for an emergency board meeting. Mr Churchill is here.

    EBUKA: Mr Churchill? How! When did he come into the country?

    KENNETH: nobody know. Please hurry!

    EBUKA: alright, man!

    (Ebuka hurriedly tidied up his desk and joined the other directors and Mr Churchill at the boardroom. They all exchanged pleasantries, and Mr Churchill began to address them..)

    MR CHURCHILL: Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. It’s good to see you all again. I know you weren’t expecting me. But there was a need for the August visit.

    I’d like to start by thanking you all for your dedication and commitment to the company, Your hardwork and everything else you do for the continuous progress of this company.

    Erm, now to the purpose of this meeting. Mr Okoye, could you please tell me everything about the renovation you recently carried out in the building. By everything, I mean why it was done, what was done and the total cost of it, please. Thank you!

    EBUKA: thank you, Mr Churchill. About two months ago or so, I came to work and one of the cleaners alerted me of a leaking roof in the engine room. On further investigation, I discovered another leakage somewhere else and the wall on that particular room was all damp from rain falling on it…

    MR CHURCHILL: sorry to interrupt, where about was this particular leakage?

    EBUKA: it was in the main office at the back of the big shelf containing all our legal documents. I took before and after photographs of it.

    MR CHURCHILL: perfect! I’ll like to see those later on. Continue.

    EBUKA: erm, I also discovered that a lot of rodents had made some of the offices their abode. I felt this posed a risk of losing important documents which would be a shame on a company such as ours.

    So I called a directors meeting and discussed total renovation and fumigation of the entire building. I also discussed cost with them.

    Majority of the directors agreed except Petra who also disagrees with anything I put forward anyway. A poll was conducted and majority of directors voted in favour of it, so we passed a board resolution and commenced work.

    MR CHURCHILL: I must admit that a neat and professional work was done here. I was quite impressed when you sent me the pictures.

    But the cost to me appeared a little on the high side. Did you get quotes from different engineers before you chose the Chinese guy?

    EBUKA: ermm, it might appear costly but that is because of the materials that were used. I also forgot to mention that he did conduit wiring on the entire building.

    I did not physically get quotes from other companies but I looked up the cost of such renovations on the internet and the least was about hundred million. Since Weng agreed to charge thirty million, I felt it was a bargain.

    MR CHURCHILL: how did you get to know about Weng. On recommendation?

    EBUKA: yes sir. I also went on his website and saw his previous works.

    MR CHURCHILL: who recommended Weng to you?

    EBUKA: it was a friend.

    MR CHURCHILL: would your friend be willing to testify to that in court?

    EBUKA: erm, he..he.., he has gone back to Australia where he resides so he may not be able to testify in person.

    MR CHURCHILL: but the court can contact him on phone, is that right?

    EBUKA: ye–s but I.. I.. would need to contact him and make sure he is happy to testify first.

    MR CHURCHILL: sure! Mr Okoye, is there anything else you’d like to tell the board about this contract?

    EBUKA: anything such as?

    MR CHURCHILL: I wouldn’t know. I’m just asking you.

    EBUKA: no. But if I remember anything, I’ll inform the board. For now, this is everything I know about it.

    MR CHURCHILL: thanks, Mr Okoye. Petra, can you please tell the board everything you know about the contract. Thank you.

    PETRA: erm, first of all, when this matter was presented to the board, I kicked against it, but Mr Okoye in his usual abusive manners called me a bitter single frustrated woman.

    The reason I kicked against it was firstly, because such little damage to the building does not require absolute renovation. I told them it was a disproportionate measure.

    Secondly, the price was just ridiculous, to be honest. But Mr Okoye was bent on getting it done and immediately.

    EBUKA (interrupts) because it is my duty as a director to promote the success of the company!!!

    MR CHURCHILL: please let her speak. You’ve had your time. You will still have another time to respond to her. Thank you. Please carry on, Petra. Sorry about that.

    PETRA: so on the 30th of March, I went on a date with this Chinese friend of mine whom I had been chatting on facebook with, for over five years now. He called me up one day and told me he was in Nigeria for a contract.

    While we were on the date, I started asking him about the contract, so i discovered it was our office he had come to work for, but I never told him I was a staff.

    So I asked how he got the contract all the way from China. He told me a friend of his is a director in the company and he gave him the contract. So when I realised that the friend was Ebuka, I told him that his friend must be very kind to have done that for him, but he said it was because he was getting fifteen million naira benefit from it.

    EBUKA: lies! Pure lies and cheap blackmail!

    MR CHURCHILL: be quiet, please Mr Okoye. You are being rather disruptive now.

    Ebuka: no, Mr Churchill! There is a malicious intent behind this! Petra is embittered because I refused to be involved in a romantic relationship with her.

    I have evidence to back this up! I have text messages and inappropriate pictures of herself she sent to me!

    MR CHURCHILL: I don’t care about your personal and private lives. Honestly, I don’t. I’m just all about the company. Maybe her bitterness as you put it prompted her to investigate you but if her findings are true, then they are still credible!

    PETRA: sir, I admit I did ask Ebuka out and I probably sent pictures and I was heartbroken when he got married. But I did not make this up and I also recorded my conversations with Weng. I took pictures with him on our date and I have it all here with me.

    MR CHURCHILL: like I said, you are both adults and I am ever so unwilling to know about your private matters. I am most definitely not interested in seeing any images. Clad or unclad. Thanks for the offer.

    Petra, could you please play the conversation to the board. Thanks

    (Petra played the recorded conversation and also showed them the pictures she took with Weng. At the end of It, there was a very loud silence in the boardroom. Then Mr Churchill broke it)

    MR CHURCHILL: alright! Mr Okoye, I am aware that this is not a conclusive evidence to prove that you are guilty of what you have been accused of. Erm, I shall be involving the police to carry out a more extensive and valid investigation into this matter.

    In the meantime, I am suspending you temporarily from the company, pending when investigation is concluded.

    Just so you are aware, if you are found guilty, you will be made to account to the company every single profit you made from this transaction with interest. Please hand over every property of the company in your possession to Mr Okere. Thank you.

    This concludes our meeting.

    (Shattered and shivering, Ebuka staggered to his car and made his way to the hospital where his mother who had earlier came from the village, was with his poorly sister. Amara was also with them)

    MADAM EBERE: o gini! (What’s the matter?) Why do you look so worn out??

    EBUKA: mama I’m fine. Just tired. Nkechi, how was the dialysis?

    NKECHI: painful! You look really worried. Is everything fine at work?

    EBUKA: yes. Where is the doctor?

    AMARACHI: I was waiting for you to come so we can go for the result.

    EBUKA: perfect! Let’s go.

    NKECHI: you both look good together! Mama, what do you think?

    MADAM EBERE: she’s a beautiful girl…

    (Ebuka and Amara got to the doctor’s office and he began to explain the result of their blood tests to them)

    DOCTOR: erm, I’ll start with your test, Ebuka. Your sister’s blood type is B and yours is A. This means she cannot accept your kidney. This is a first test that Must be passed before moving on to any other thing, unfortunately you didn’t pass it. So you are not a suitable donor for her, I’m afraid.

    Luckily however, Amara’s blood type is O, which makes her a universal donor. And when we did the tissue typing or genetic typing test as some people call it, we had about three antigen matches. Which again, is perfect!

    But when we did the cross-matching test, sadly, we had a positive cross-match. This means that if Amara donates kidney to Nkechi, her body will attack the new kidney and this can be fatal.

    Unfortunately, none of you is a suitable donor for her.

    EBUKA: Jesus Christ!

    AMARACHI: doctor, can we check if her mum can be a suitable donor?

    DOCTOR: I’m afraid she can’t . She told me she is diabetic. That disqualifies her.

    AMARACHI: hieeee!?‍?‍

    DOCTOR: it’s nothing much to worry about. She can continue on dialysis every two to three days until we are able to find a donor. As you can see, she looks alright.

    (Amara and Ebuka went back to where Nkechi and her mum was; she noticed their sad countenance and asked…)

    NKECHI: dede, what did the result say?

    EBUKA: he said we need to do further tests…

    NKECHI: okay.

    AMARACHI: Nk, can I have your boyfriend’s number. Let’s ask him to come and do the tests too just in case.

    NKECHI: okay. It’s just there in my phone. The last person I called

    (Amara took the number and went to the hospital’s car park and started ringing him)

    STONE: (???) hiya! Who is this?

    AMARACHI: hi. Am I on to Stone?

    STONE: you are. And who’re you?

    AMARACHI: my name is Amara. I am Nkechi’s friend.

    STONE: cool.

    AMARACHI: cool? Meaning?

    STONE: what do you mean?

    AMARACHI: forget it. Are you aware that she is hospitalised?

    STONE: I am aware! Why do you ask? Is she alright?

    AMARACHI:

    EPISODE 25

    EBUKA: come in, Amara.

    AMARACHI: why is everywhere dark? What happened to your light?

    EBUKA: I switched them all off

    AMARACHI: why would you stay in the dark!

    EBUKA: because I am currently in the dark. My life is full of darkness from the inside.

    AMARACHI: oh no! It’s not.

    EBUKA: I got a letter from the court today, asking me to pay back the fifteen million naira or an order for sale order will be granted the company against this house.
    Amara, this is a house i inherited from my dad and his reason for giving it to me is so that I will use it to look after Nkechi.

    Now, I can’t look after her, I’ve lost my wife, my job and now I’m about to lose my house
    I just want to end my life, Amara. It’s not worth living

    AMARACHI: Don’t you even mention it! Find out from them if you can pay installmentally

    EBUKA: even if I am asked to pay back a thousand naira monthly, I won’t still be able to pay it. And Mr Churchill called and said he is happy for me to be paying fifty thousand naira monthly. Where am I going to get such amount of money!
    Life!!! Fifty thousand used to be nothing. When I go out with the boys on weekends, we spend twice that amount, and sometimes more….

    Please, have you heard from Funmi at all?

    AMARACHI: no, I haven’t. Ebuka, all will be well, I’m sure. You just need to put yourself together; let’s do What we can do and let God do What we can’t do. Here is sixty five thousand naira, please have it on you just in case?

    EBUKA: oh come on, Amara! You are not even employed yet! You should keep this money for yourself!

    AMARACHI: remember the shoe business you gave me money for? This money is part of the profit I made on my first sale.

    EBUKA: You are joking!

    AMARACHI: I’m not. Cast your bread upon the waters, after many years, it will come back to you. So take it please.

    EBUKA: I’m just speechless right now! Amara, your coming into this family was for a time like this!
    Well, I now have two sisters. Thank you!

    (Amara got back to Wuse2 and met Funmi dressing up and looking all glamourous)

    FUNMI: why is your face like this? What’s happening?

    AMARACHI: where are you going?

    FUNMI: I’m going for a wedding

    AMARACHI: whose?

    FUNMI: one of Zain’s old classmates is getting married, so he asked me to come with him

    AMARACHI: Funmi, an eye for an eye makes all of us blind.
    Ebuka wronged you, no doubt but if you look at it from a different angle, the allegation against you was convincing.
    One, because it came from your friend. Two because there was a strong evidence to back it up.

    Bury the hatchet and at least call him to say you’ve heard what’s happening to him. I know all you remember now is everything wrong he did to you.
    But think about the good old days.
    I learnt he loved you to the point where people believed you used some charm on him.

    He isn’t looking for you now because he is insolvent. When he started looking for you, all these hadn’t happened to him.
    The moment he knew the truth, he wanted you back. Please find a place, any place in your heart to forgive him.

    FUNMI: Amara, I am honestly trying to pick up the fragments of my broken heart and move on, and you are trying to take me back to Egypt!

    Seriously, girl! You saw it all! You saw the humiliation, the verbal abuse, Ebuka once pushed me really hard I nearly banged my head on the wall.
    I’m sorry for what he is going through and I pray he gets well but I can’t!

    AMARACHI: Ebuka risks going to prison if he does not pay fifty thousand naira every month to his company.
    His sister is yet to find a suitable donor and undergoing dialysis every four to five days at a whooping cost of eighty thousand naira per session.
    This is too much for just one man!

    FUNMI: what I went through was too much for just one woman! Zain is here, babe!
    How do I look?

    AMARACHI: beautiful!

    FUNMI: do you think these shoes go with my Asoke?

    AMARACHI: yes.

    FUNMI: thanks babe! See ya!
    **********************************************

    STRANGER: good day, doctor

    DOCTOR: good day, madam. How may I help?

    STRANGER: my name is Zainab. I was looking through your website and saw that you have a patient in your care who is in need of kidney

    DOCTOR: that’s right. Miss Nkechi Okoye is her name. Would you like to see her?

    STRANGER: no. It’s not necessary. I would like to give her one of mine.

    DOCTOR: how kind of you! But that would depend on your compatibility. Do you have an idea of what your blood type is?

    STRANGR: universal

    DOCTOR: perfect! But I have to take your blood to do two more tests. I’ll also run a general health test on you. Okay?

    STRANGER: sure

    *********************************************

    STRANGER: Hello, my name is Zainab. Can I see Mr Churchill, please

    RECEPTIONIST: hang on
    Yes, his office is the first on your right.

    STRANGER: good morning, sir

    MR CHURCHILL: morning. How may I be of help?

    STRANGER: my name is Zainab, I’m here on behalf of Mr Okoye.

    MR CHURCHILL: yes?

    STRANGER: he is supposed to pay the company fifty thousand every month. Is that correct?

    MR CHURCHILL: that’s correct, yes.

    STRANGER: here is a cheque for two hundred thousand naira. That should cover him for four months.

    MR CHURCHILL: who are you, if I may ask?

    STRANGER: I told you my name earlier

    MR CHURCHILL: I know that, but who are you to Mr Okoye?

    STRANGER: it’s not important. Could I have a confirmation of this payment, please. Thanks.

    MR CHURCHILL: leave your email address with me, and I will send you a confirmation once the cheque goes through.

    STRANGER: thanks. I’ll take my leave now.

    EPISODE 26

    (Amara came home after spending most of her day at the hospital but didn’t find Funmi at home, so she started ringing her)
    AMARACHI: (?????) babe, where are you?
    FUNMI: (???) hey babe, I’m at Zain’s. How are you?
    AMARACHI: doing what? Are you not coming back?
    FUNMI: no, I think I’ll spend the night here.
    AMARACHI: you’ll spend the night at a man’s house, Funmi???
    FUNMI: what’s wrong with that. You are talking to an adult with full mental capacity, remember?
    AMARACHI: yes! One who is married too!
    FUNMI: no babe, don’t get your tenses wrong. One who was married!
    AMARACHI: I’m sure you know you are still legally married to Ebuka
    FUNMI: separated is also a recognised relationship status!
    AMARACHI: Funmi, this is not you at all. How could you so easily fall in love with a guy you met barely a month ago!
    What if he is a ritualist? What else do you know about him apart from his name and phone number?
    FUNMI: I know he’s handsome, I know he’s kind and I know he will never treat me the way EBUKA did! That’s enough knowledge; don’t you think!
    Come on! How could you be contradicting yourself! Were you not the one who preached to me about moving on? Finding happiness and never crying for a man. I took your advice on board and I must say, I am loving it! I know I once asked you not to date or marry Ebuka, but now, I take it back. If you so care about that family, then go ahead and marry him!
    AMARACHI: okay, Funmi I’m sorry, okay! I’m not trying to dictate to you how to live your life, I just want you to have your family back. Family is everything, sweetheart!
    FUNMI: Zain wants to speak with you, please. I’m tired of this conversation already! (Passes the phone to Zain)
    ZAIN: Hello, Amara how are you?
    AMARACHI: I’m fine. Good day.
    ZAIN: listen, I know whatever you are doing is borne out of genuine concern and love for your friend. So I understand that very well. But please I am not a bad person.
    I know good people are currently in short supply but rest assured she is in good hands.
    All I care about is her happiness. Every other thing is secondary
    AMARACHI: if you care so much about her, why not bring her back home!
    ZAIN: unfortunately, I can’t bring her home. Your friend sustained an injury so I am looking after her
    AMARACHI: an injury! What did you do to her!!! What kind of injury is that and why do you think you can look after her more than I can!!!
    If she requires any personal care, do you think it will be appropriate for you to do that for her knowing she is a married woman??
    She is another man’s wife! Go get yours. For crying out loud! You are young and successful so go get yourself a wife and leave another man’s wife alone!
    What’s this trend of young boys going after people’s wives!
    ZAIN: do you want me to answer that question? Well, it might just be because husbands are leaving their duty towards their wives undone and those young men are taking them on.
    AMARACHI: oh spare me the gospel!
    ZAIN: Amara, I can see you are really getting too upset now, so it’s in the interest of both of us that I drop this call.
    Sorry, I’m gonna have to hang up now.
    AMARACHI: pass the phone to Funmi. I need to tell her something!
    ZAIN: (gives funmi the phone)
    FUNMI: you are on to me
    AMARACHI: Nkechi has got a donor
    FUNMI: oh my God!!!! Thank you, Jesus! This is what you should have told me instead of all that gibberish you were chatting earlier on!
    Who is the person?
    AMARACHI: anonymous. All we know about her is her name. She is called Zainab.
    FUNMI: that’s an Hausa name! Wow. God indeed is gracious. I hope Nkechi becomes more open minded after this. I thought she would have rejected the kidney and wait for one from an Igbo prince or princess as she would put it.
    AMARACHI: also, same Zainab paid Ebuka’s debt to his company for five months or so
    FUNMI: hian! I hope she is not one of his numerous concubines from uni days. And he pretends not to know this person?
    AMARACHI: he doesn’t
    FUNMI: I don’t believe him; but again, it’s none of my business. I wish them well. I have a great news to share with you when I come back
    AMARACHI: hmmmm! Funmi! Walk with your brains. Don’t walk before them!
    FUNMI: yes ma’am
    *************************************************
    DOCTOR : good morning, guys. Erm, we successfully carried out an operation on the donor in her preferred hospital yesterday. It was a seven hour operation.
    We have got the kidney with us now. The nurses will be here at nine on the dot to get you ready for transplant. Okay?
    NKECHI: okay doctor. I’m just scared; would i be alright?
    DOCTOR: erm, we hope you will. No surgery is risk free and definitely not one as complex as a transplant. We do not guarantee anything but you can count us to do our best.
    NKECHI: mummy?
    MADAM EBERE: yes, darling
    NKECHI: please pray for me.
    MADAM EBERE: what else is my duty? I have been talking to God and I know he will never let me down. My only daughter! Mbanu! (Never) nothing will happen to you!
    EBUKA: Nk, you need to join faith with us. Give no room for fear and doubt. Cast down every imagination that contradicts the word of God. His word says we shall live and not die.
    I have been fasting with mummy and brother Chinwendu’s family since yesterday.
    So all will be well, alright
    (Ebuka’s phone rings???) when he looked at the screen, it was Mr Churchill. His heart skipped two beats)
    EBUKA: Jesus Christ!
    MADAM EBERE: o gini? (What is it?)
    EBUKA: nothing, mama. I’m just gonna go outside and take this call. Be right back??????
    Hello, good morning sir. Please I understand that I need to make this month’s payment and believe me I have been running around to put something together. I am not on the run, sir. I can’t
    MR CHURCHILL: good morning, Mr Okoye. Calm down! Listen, you are one of my favourite staff and it was sad to let you go, but the company has policies which I am duty bound to abide by.
    But I believe you are a very lucky young man.
    Yesterday, a lady by name Zainab came to the office and made five months payment of your debt. So for five months, we won’t be taking any money from you.
    I also know how difficult things are for you right now, if you need any assistance from me, please let me know.
    EBUKA: God bless you, sir!
    MR CHURCHILL: no worries Mr Okoye. I learnt your sister is awaiting kidney transplant. How is she?
    EBUKA: she will be going into the theatre in about two hours time.
    MR CHURCHILL: oh I wish her good luck with that. When you get her bills, forward it to me. I’ll take care of it.
    EBUKA: did I hear you right, sir
    MR CHURCHILL: you did, man! Come on! You are still my boy! I remember how young you were when you started with us. Young, ambitious and hardworking.
    I know you got your hands dirty, but that does not erase every other wonderful contribution you have made towards the success of this company!
    EBUKA: (tearfully) sir, I cannot express how I feel about this. I’m sorry I disappointed you. It’s a mistake I’ll regret for the rest of my life?
    Can I please ask what this Zainab of a lady looks like?
    MR CHURCHILL: I’m sure she is a Muslim lady in her early thirties as she was wearing a hijab. She came with her husband and she had a wedding band on. Tall and fair. I’m not good with describing people, so that’s about it
    EBUKA: I wish I know this person so I can at least say thank you to her!
    MR CHURCHILL: I guess you can also pass it around by doing something nice for someone else when you are in a position to do so. That’s how the world can be a better and less hostile place to live.
    I’ll leave you now so you spend more time with your sister before her surgery

    EPISODE 27

    Nkechi’s surgery was successful and she was discharged after Mr Churchill paid her hospital bills.
    The doctor asked them to come back to hospital today for check up. Also, because they had been demanding to see the donor, the doctor told them that they would have the opportunity to meet with her today.
    So they all got ready, picked Amara up from Wuse2 and made their way to the hospital.
    EBUKA: you know things happen sometimes to show you the real colours of people. I can’t believe Funmi would so easily fall in love with another man! It’s really sad it breaks me thinking of it
    MADAM EBERE: but you did the same if not that Amara didn’t let you. I mean, you were already making wedding plans.
    EBUKA: that’s different, mummy! I am a man!
    MADAM EBERE: so what? Does owning a penis give you any right owning a vagina doesnt give her?
    AMARACHI: there we go! Mama has gone outrightly vulgar to drive home a very important point. Whilst I do not support what Funmi is doing right now, I can also see her points.
    She was really treated like she never mattered.
    NKECHI: say what you know, Amara! Who treated her like she never mattered. She was married and still running around with men! So lazy, the only meal she can cook is that slimy nasty food of hers! Very unwilling to integrate into the culture she was married in.
    Please stop playing this unpaid defence role!
    I’m glad she is finally out of this family!
    And I’m not going to beg you to marry Ebuka anymore.
    There are many fishes in the ocean and Ebuka is a skilled fisherman, if you know what I mean!
    MADAM EBERE: But Amara told us she never cheated. Whatever happened was before she met your brother!
    NKECHI: oh please! Believe that and believe anything!
    MADAM EBERE: Oh well, I’d still prefer a cheat over that scum of the earth you call your boyfriend?
    NKECHI: enough mummy! Leave him out of this!
    EBUKA: I just wish I can undo a lot of things. I wish I can have MY WIFE back. She was the perfect soul mate. She stood by me when her parents wouldn’t give their consent.
    She was willing to be with me at all cost!
    NKECHI: oh stop the pity party and concentrate on the road! Mtchewww!
    MADAM EBERE: how dare you speak to your elder brother like that! Are you going crazy! Thank your stars I’m in the front seat, you would have received a fantastic right hand of fellowship this morning. Ara na agba gi!(you Are crazy)
    NKECHI: I’ll buy credit on our way home and tell brother Chinwendu how all of you turned against me?
    MADAM EBERE: oh shut up and grow up!!
    (They got to the hospital and Nkechi had her check up. Then the doctor asked them to come into a designated hall in the building. They all got there and sat down)
    DOCTOR: Nkechi, I’m glad your wound is healing quite fast. You have actually made a better recovery than your donor.
    She is still on antibiotics and her wounds are still very fresh.
    I know you can’t wait to see her, but please be gentle on her. Okay?
    NKECHI: I pray I am able to hold myself
    DOCTOR: you must. Alright, guys I’ll go and get her.
    (The doctor opened the a double door in the hall and Funmi supported on one side by Zain and on the other side by Chika, came through. For a moment, nobody said a word…)
    DOCTOR: here is Zainab, the very kindhearted donor who gave you a life.
    AMARACHI: wait! Am I dreaming??? Funmi?? Chika?? Zain????? what is this?
    EBUKA: can someone explain to us what is going on! I’m going insane! Funmi, what’s this movie about?? Are you truly the donor??
    NKECHI: somebody talk to us!!! Funmi, d-i-d y-o-u donate yo..ur..kid-ney…to..to..me??
    MADAM EBERE: hieeeee! Chineke!!!!
    FUNMI: (starts crying)???
    ZAIN: (gently helps her to sit down) guys, I met this lady broken. When I said broken, I meant every alphabet in that word.
    The most interesting part was that she still loved the people who broke her.
    Like a rose she still was willing to leave a sweet smell on the shoes that crushed her.
    Honestly, when I met her, I wanted to date her. I loved her in that sense. But one day I went swimming with her, a swimming that actually never happened. She poured out her heart to me.
    She couldn’t go back to her parents. Her only life was her work life.
    The treatment she got from you, she didn’t deserve but thank God for people like this lady right her (points at Amara) she is an angel. She sheltered her, gave her every emotional and financial support she could afford
    EBUKA: Amara! Even you??? You told me you have never seen Funmi!!!
    AMARACHI: ??? when I realised you were going to send her out of the house, I had to find a way to get money from you and paid for a house in Wuse2
    I also wasn’t sure if she would retain her job, so i got money out of you to start a shoe business for her.
    Although I told her we owned the business jointly, I actually registered it in your name and her name.
    I have never used a penny of the profit on myself. I’ve got all the expenses written down. I used some to buy things for Funmi on her birthday and some I used to pay for Nkechi’s dialysis when you couldn’t afford it. I have all the documents with me.
    DOCTOR: wow!
    NKECHI:???? (kneels in front of Funmi) Funmi, you mean you gave me this life I am living now. Why? Despite everything I did to you? How is this possible?
    How did you know I needed a kidney?
    Why are you so kind. Why? Why Funmi? I hated you, and I never failed to show it whenever and wherever the opportunity presented itself
    FUNMI: ???
    NKECHI: say something to me? why????? how could you be such a sweet soul!
    FUNMI: please stand up, remember your wounds are not completely healed. Being married to your brother meant you became my sister.
    I am an only child and always wanted a sister. When I first met you, I was so excited but things didn’t work out the way I had thought.
    But again, even real sister don’t always get along but that doesn’t mean they are not sisters.
    I’m so happy to see you alive and well. I couldn’t have watched you suffer and die.
    Amarachi, you are more righteous than I can ever be. Your acts of kindness made me do this. I wanted to pass it on in the hope that Nkechi would pass it on too so that it will carry on until the world becomes a better place.
    A place full of love and kindness. A place where a person’s tribe, religion, race and colour does not determine how they are treated.
    It starts with me…..
    EBUKA hugs Funmi) I believed a lie. I never wanted to leave you but this lie came with strong and convincing evidence. I wanted to marry Amara just to get back at you and I was going to abandon her after wedding and go to France for good.
    I had all my plans in place but this lady right here (points to Amara) is something else!
    CHIKA: (gets down on one knee with a diamond ring in his hand) dear beloved girlfriend, Amara. I’ve been waiting for the perfect day, the perfect time and the perfect moment. What could be more perfect than now!
    I remember our first date at a swimming pool, a baby nearly drowned and you quickly dived in and saved her. Since that day, you have never stopped stepping into the dirtiest mud even if it puts your life and reputation at risk.
    You are the best of your kind, baby. Please will you marry me?
    EBUKA: she is supposed to be your sister!!! Seriously what is going on! Who has the remote of the TV please change this channel! Amara!!!
    AMARACHI: oh! My God!!! (Hugs Chika) yes I will!!!????
    Ebuka, I wasn’t lying when I told you I was an only child. You were too angry to register it in your brains and Nkechi was bent on getting rid of Funmi that she didn’t remember to ask how I suddenly had a brother hehehehe! We were all playing each other
    DOCTOR: guys, I’ve seen the most painful of deaths but trust me, none made me cry as much as you guys did!
    My hope in humanity is restored!!
    EBUKA: Do I have MY
    WIFE back?
    FUNMI: the question should be, do I have MY husband back?
    To be continued

    EPISODE 28 (Final)

    ROSSY: I am so pleased to have you join us on this platform today!
    Thank you!
    So let’s start with you, madam Bola. What do you have to tell our readers? Please keep it short
    MADAM BOLA: my message to you all out there is that life is so erratic. The tables do turn quite unexpectedly. Be kind to all!
    I also want to use this opportunity to tell you all that I and Adaku are now like mother and daughter.
    She is due to have a baby this month and she has asked me to come to Canada and I can’t wait to do everything her mother would have done for her if she were alive.
    ROSSY: awwwww! Amazing! Well, we wish her all the best and pray your relationship continues to flourish.
    Zain, we didn’t see much of you in the whole story, but you definitely weren’t insignificant. What do you have to say to our readers?
    ZAIN: erm, it was very hard for me to kill my initial feelings for Funmi. But I went home and tried to put myself in her husband’s shoes. Then I decided I would help her rebuild her home instead of destroying it.
    My advice to everyone out there is, before you sleep with a married man or woman, think of how much damage you may be doing to their home.
    If possible, help them rebuild their home. Quit being a home breaker.
    It is also my pleasure to announce to you guys that I and Nkechi got engaged last week. We will be getting married in August by the grace of God
    ROSSY: wow! How? We didn’t see that coming?
    ZAIN: I know hehehe. After the hospital reunion, I became the family’s friend and would occasionally visit them…one thing led to another and I just fell in love with her
    ROSSY: fantastic! Well, we wish you both all the best for the future. Madam Ebere, you were more or less neutral towards Funmi; how did you feel when your son broke the news that he was getting married to a Yoruba woman to you?
    MADAM EBERE: erm, I didn’t necessarily hate her, and I wouldn’t say she was my favourite person in the world either.
    When Ebuka brought her to the village, I welcomed her and made sure she was comfortable. But deep down, I think I wished she could understand the Igbo language so I can have some deep conversation with her.
    To everyone out there, please accept whoever your child chose to spend his life with. Your duty is to give them your blessing and be a mother to both of them. Funmi has been a blessing to my household and I will forever be indebted to her.
    ROSSY: Wow! Thanks for that advice. Chika! I particularly find you interesting! What were you thinking!
    CHIKA: hahaha! I know Rossy!
    ROSSY: how could you allow your girlfriend travel with a man! Tell us!
    CHIKA: erm, my girl is trustworthy. She has been from day one, so she merits that depth of trust.
    But I have to admit that things were playing up on my mind while she was there. There were times when I called her in the middle of the night just to make sure they are not having sex or something. Hahaha!
    ROSSY: I can imagine! So what does the future hold for the both of you?
    CHIKA: well, we will be going back to Spain after our traditional wedding a week after Zain’s. Currently, I am setting up an NGO in her name. They will basically help rebuild broken homes where possible, and where not, they would support victims to get back on their feet.
    To every man out there, get a girlfriend like mine. Hahaha! Just support your girl in whatever her passion is. Cheers
    ROSSY: awwww! So nice of you to have done that for her! Thank you. Ebuka! Hmmmm talk to us.
    EBUKA: I actually lack words.i just want to say to everyone out there, if you find true love, keep it.
    Things are not always what they look like, please verify before you crucify.
    Also, it is your duty to protect your wife against external attacks. By external, I mean both families and friends.
    Let me also mention that I’ve now found another job in Chevron as a managing director.
    The best part is that I and Funmi are expecting our first child.
    I have expanded her shoe business. It’s one of the biggest in town.
    Please permit me to say a very big thank you to Amara. This lady is the reason my family is back together.
    Special thanks to you, Amara and from the depth of my heart, I wish you a very successful marriage with your sweetheart, Chika.
    ROSSY: awwww! Someone pass me some tissues! Okay! I need to remain professional! Dear Funmi, talk to us. By the way, pregnancy looks great on you!
    FUNMI: (smiles) thanks, Rossy. It wasn’t easy being hated that much. At some point I felt Like doing that which I was accused of so that the whole ill treatment would be justified.
    I would like to emphasise on the need to be careful with best friends and secrets.
    Please keep some secrets with yourself. Trust no one hundred percent.
    For Nkechi, I just want to say I love you and I hold nothing you did to me against you.
    I would give you my kidney over and over again.
    I’m so glad to be both Igbo and yoruba, and I am learning the Igbo language so I can communicate better with mama in law??
    ROSSY: awwwww! I must admit you are such an angel. Just trying to imagine what I would do in your shoes. Heaven help me! Hehe! Amara the girl!
    Can I just say you are my namesake!
    AMARACHI: awww really!
    ROSSY: yes! So what made you the way you are. Not so many people will go out of their way to mend a broken home. What pushes you??
    AMARACHI: my desire to see a better world. To leave the work better than I met it.
    You know my initial understanding was that Ebuka needed to be rescued. Nkechi told me he was being abused by the wife, she turned him against his family bla bla. On getting there however, I noticed that it was in fact Funmi who needed rescuing so I quickly changed position.
    I’m glad this family has not joined the statistics of dysfunctional families in Nigeria.
    Special thanks to my fiance for his understanding and support. Only a guy like Chika can date me haha! It’s not easy knowing that your girlfriend is somewhere playing a woman of loose morals in another man’s house.
    That said, I must admit that I did do certain things I wouldn’t be doing anymore this time.
    ROSSY: what are those?
    AMARACHI: going to France with Ebuka was just extreme. Anything could have happened. In my subsequent ones, I would device safer means to achieve my goals.
    I love Nkechi, I love Funmi, I love EBUKA and I love my dearly beloved Chika more!
    ROSSY: wow! Thanks you guys for letting me Into your personal lives and giving me the opportunity to share your story to the world. I enjoyed every bit of it and I have learnt invaluable lessons I wish to apply in my daily life.
    Now to you, my beloved readers and followers of rossy’n’you blog, I wish to sincerely appreciate you all for the likes, comments and shares!
    You make me want to write every single day of my life!
    Now, until I come your way with another interesting story, it’s your girl Rossy Amarachi Uju signing out!✌
    Bye bye!
    THE END.

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